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Interview Episode with Kimberly Spencer

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Laurin: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Curiously Wise podcast. I'm your host Laurin Wittig. This podcast is all about women supporting women, mind, body, and spirit. It's a place where we will honor celebrate and share women's natural and experiential wisdom through curiosity provoking conversations, shared stories and tips we've all gathered along this journey. I invite you to join in the fun as we uncover the unique wisdom. We each carry within us. Ready? Let's get curious!


[00:00:44] Hi, and welcome to Curiously Wise. We're here for another great conversation and today I have the awesome Kimberly Spencer. She is all kinds of wonderful things. For me she's been a business coach in the most wonderful way. I would not be doing these podcasts if it weren't for her. So I'm really, really excited to have her here with us today.


[00:01:06] Kim, would you just give us a little introduction to yourself?



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[00:01:09] Kimberly: Yeah, So I'm a high-performance coach specifically for business women and founders. I typically work with women in the formative stages of their business doing anywhere between zero and 4 million. And so that is, that is my sweet spot range of really working with women in those stages, because I know what it's like in those stages.


[00:01:30] I've built three businesses, Crown Yourself is my third. I had a brick and mortar Pilates studio for about 10 years, and then I had an e-commerce store for two years and a startup , that was a startup that we took to. I got to pitch it to the first round of Shark Tank auditions. And I got to see our product featured in Times Square.


[00:01:48]And I also learned a very valuable lesson in business about building business based on mutually agreed upon values with you and your partner. And that one, once I was bought out of that company in 2014, that one was really the catalyst for me thinking, what am I going to do? Because I was bought out of that company three weeks before I got married and we signed the buyout agreement and I hopped on a plane to my honeymoon, six weeks in Italy.


[00:02:13] And I was like, I don't know what I'm doing when get back. And my husband and I were brainstorming as you do appropriately on your honeymoon. And we were having way too many espressos. And I was thinking of all these passions, cause I'd had varied careers. Like I'd been a Pilates instructor. I'd also been a screenwriter.


[00:02:32] I'd had an e-commerce startup, like I loved business. I loved the body. I'd healed myself from a ten year eating disorder. I'd found the love of my life after much trial and error. And I saw business as something that was holistic. That was holistic success. Cause that was the one thing that I didn't have with my e-commerce startup was holistic success.


[00:02:54] I played into very much the stressed out, crazed answering emails at 3:00 AM in a panic attack. My hair was falling out. I gained weight and I didn't really fully love myself through the process of building that business. And I said, you know, I want to create something that is holistic, that embodies the body, the relationships, the business, because we are not these compartmentalized beings. We, even though many of us would like to think that, oh, here's our business over here in this like, lovely little business box. And then our families right over here. And that's not the case. We are holistic our energy travels from our business into our relationships and vice versa.


[00:03:36] And I've seen it consistently over the past five years, coaching high achieving women and a few men. And just being able to, to see that. And I had way too many espressos back in Italy in 2014. And I leaped off the couch and I said, Crown Yourself. And my husband says, what's that? And I said, that's the name of my company?


[00:03:55] And he said, great. And I said, awesome. Okay, now I know what I'm going to do, but I didn't really know what I was going to do because I didn't have a coach. It didn't have a system. I just kind of like had built a business by basically winging it and throwing spaghetti at a wall in the past and like trying new things.


[00:04:09] And I never really had like my full heart soul and passion into either my startup or, my Pilates. Cause they were both meant to be a means to an end, versus this felt very purposeful, very intentional, very like soul based. And it scared the crap out of me. And I had about a year and a half where I made no money in my business.


[00:04:26] Dabbling in what I call productive procrastination, which is a term Laurin knows very well where you're doing all the things, except for the one thing that actually moves the needle of your business, which typically is the thing that scares you. And it's typically pretty simple. And it's, normally what I've found is it's a fear of rejection. And in some way or shape or form rejection, because your prices are too high, rejection because of who you are as a business owner, rejection for being too feminine, too sparkly, too girly, too, whatever, too old, too young, it's that fear. And I had that fear deeply with sales.


[00:04:57] And then I found out that I was pregnant in 2016 and the version of me, who I had become by the habit of, productive procrastination was someone who was very negative. Who complaining constantly and who was blaming? I still blamed my former business partner for where I was financially. I knew it was a mindset piece. I knew that it was very similar. It was just a gut intuitive instinct that I knew that what I was struggling with was basically what I call financial bulimia or business bulimia, where I was consuming a lot of information, but just like puking it up and not actually doing anything with it.


[00:05:31] I wasn't letting that information or the money nourish my business, sustain it, fulfill it, grow it. And because I'd overcome a ten-year battle with bulimia, I knew that I could do the same with business and with my finances, I just didn't know that I didn't have 10 years to figure it out, or even two years. I had nine months.


[00:05:49] And so I immediately hired a coach and I got certified in a process. I got certified in NLP, timeline therapy, and hypnosis, and that was the catalyst to me actually feeling comfortable with a process that I could sell. So, I started out doing mindset coaching for business owners, specifically only focusing on the subconscious mind.


[00:06:07] And now I call myself a high-performance coach and subconscious success strategist because the subconscious mind of the business owner plays into the mind of the business of what you're creating. And so, five years later, I got to live in Australia, live my dream with my family and support them, love them so much.


[00:06:24] And just living that vision, we had another baby and now we're back in LA. And onto our next transition, and, it's been a joy and a journey to coach such extraordinary women like Laurin, and just be able to see them grow and blossom and like really transform at the truest definition.


[00:06:42] I see such a difference in Laurin from when we started from where you are now. And it's so beautiful to see a woman fully in her power.


[00:06:52] Laurin: Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I have, I have come a long way. I still got a long way to go, but. I am on the highway now.


Kimberly: Yeah.


Laurin: Not trudging along anymore.


Kimberly: Yeah, it's it's never a new level, new devils. It's like new levels, same devil. So there's always a deepening to claiming your power. Especially as you grow and putting yourself in rooms with people that you're like, I don't know if I'm ready for those. So I thought I don't like all those insecurities and not feeling good enough or not feeling qualified enough.

Those all come up, no matter what level you're reaching for. The key is just to keep going and keep trusting the process.


Laurin: Yeah, it's nice when you have a little bit of success to sort of back up that trust, but lately I've been hearing from people, that we can borrow their belief in us, and I borrowed your belief in me and it's, it's working so.


Kimberly: It's working, isn't it? Yeah,

Yeah.


[00:07:44] Laurin: It is., I'm having a blast doing this. And I never would have thought of starting a

podcast if you hadn't given me the tools to kind of figure it out for one thing, but also just the confidence to dive in and learn as we go.

So Kim, as you can tell is a force of nature.

I always enjoy time with you, even when you're holding my feet to the fire. She's very good at doing that, but it's, it's done with kindness, but, she's not gonna let you off the hook.

And, I tried to wriggle off the hook a few times.


Kimberly: Oh, my gosh. I had a client trying to wriggle off the hook yesterday and it was funny. She was like, I can't scream in my, in my house cause sometimes we'll do emotional exercises. Cause that's a key piece is like to being a holistic business owner and to being a conscious leader.


[00:08:29] We are not automaton robots. And so often we are not taught how to feel inside of our businesses, how to process the emotions and how to let them go. And so my client was like, so resisting yesterday, she's like, I can't scream. There's people. I like, I have a home office. I have people in my house. My team is here and I was like, let them know mama's going to be scared.


[00:08:49] She's like, you're not letting me off the hook. It was like, literally three minutes of like, I'm not, I wasn't backing back down when I know that it's something that's for your highest and best, because that's why you pay me. That's what my job is, is it's not to coddle to the excuses that like, while I believe there's a delicate balance between compassion and grace, there also are those moments of like, you got to do the dang thing.


Laurin: Suck it up and do it.


[00:09:17] Kimberly: You gotta, you gotta do the dang thing. And I'm going to hold you to those commitments. Cause that's a part of, that's a part of the becoming of, evolving that identity of who you are as a business owner, who you are as a woman. Who you are as you go forth and grow, that identity of who you have been is going to evolve.


[00:09:33] And so one of the key points of evolving that identity, and that's a key point that I work with is, is evolving courage. It takes courage to scream inside your house when there's a whole bunch of people inside of it that's your team that like you pay, like it takes courage to, have to send out those emails to people saying that you've raised your prices.


[00:09:52] It takes a lot of courage to be able to do that. But the more you practice, those courageous acts, the more it's going to strengthen that muscle courage is just like any other muscle that you work in the body. It just is one that is essential to growing any sort of business, podcast, anything that you're looking to grow.


Laurin: Yeah, absolutely. Encourages is something that I was not. good at when I met you, but boy, I'm getting really good at it.


Kimberly: Yeah. I mean, I love the fact that you had a, what I would call a courageous conversation with your daughter on the podcast.


Laurin: Yes.


Kimberly: To be able to hold the space for curiosity about your daughter being non-binary and, a lesbian, like that's, amazing that your generation is doing that for the, is, are they gen Z is like, I'm a millennial.

they're millennials.

millennials. Okay. So like the, the millennials.

like gen Z's and like the COVID generation that's coming up.


Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. It's part of sharing of the wisdom

is,


Kimberly: Yeah.


[00:10:53] Laurin: She's got wisdom that I need, and I'm not afraid to ask for it. It's like, if you are listening to us. the episode that we're talking about is with Sam Wittig and it was released last week from when this one is released.

So you can go find it. And, I had so much joy talking with my adult daughter as two adults about something that can be a little tricky to talk about. So yeah, I've come a long way. Thanks to you.


Kimberly: That's. I mean, that's amazing. And just being able to have the courage to have those conversations and to be curious.


[00:11:24] It takes a lot of courage to, and then that's why I love the title of your podcast. When I was like Curiously Wise, I was like, brilliant, because curiosity is the opposite of judgment.


[00:11:33] And we judge ourselves, we judge who we are. And as a business owner, we judge our businesses. We judge the amount of money we're making, and that prevents us from actually making progress. Progress is found through curiosity. If you're upset where you are financially judging yourself and beating yourself up is not going to move the needle forward.


[00:11:52] It's actually, when you're able to get still and get curious that you're able to ask different questions instead of like, why do I suck asking a question? Well, what inspired, what triggered this financial deficit? Or , what caused this, bank account drip? Or like, what was I believing or what was I doing?


[00:12:12] What were the actions was I actively selling? Was I not promoting myself? What and how questions will give you strategy. And they will give you new opportunities to discover so long as you get curious, and you remove yourself from the judgmental identity piece of like, why do I suck, fail, make mistakes? We're all human. We're all gonna fail and make mistakes, but it's a part of the journey.


Laurin: Yeah.


[00:12:36] So let's talk about that for just a minute. Cause that's, to me is really important for myself, but also with my clients. And that is the failure and mistakes as a place of wisdom. So, is there a particular point in your life where you, felt in the moment perhaps like you had failed or you let somebody down, but that you looking back see that it was a really important lesson, a really important piece of wisdom for you?


Kimberly: Oh, Yeah.


[00:12:58] Like when I was bought out of my company in 2014, That devastated me because I'd spent two years building and growing it as the president, I felt like we were finally building traction. I got to see the product on New York Times Square and pitch it to the first round of Shark Tank auditions.


[00:13:15] And we were talking with angel investors, and venture capital funds. I was like, oh my gosh, this is actually going to take off the two years of labor that I'd put in. And then suddenly bam, my business partner said he wanted to buy me out and we had a disagreement based on some values and some actions that I had taken in the business.


[00:13:31And I was crushed. And I fought to try to sustain that business to try to have it, to try to basically buy him out. But at that time, I did not have the money to be able to buy him out. And I was dealing with lawyers who then were sending me, they don't send you the nicest emails when you're not paying them.


[00:13:47] And so suddenly I had every belief of not good enough, too girly, too sparkly, too uneducated, too young, to all the too muchness that I always feared that I'd overcome in my body in, and it overcome it with relationships, but suddenly in my business where I'd always been very courageous and very audacious whenever I wanted something, there was no stopping me.


[00:14:07] I was a freight train, but this crushed me. And I'm so grateful for that experience now because it taught me the wisdom of building a business based on mutual values, especially a partnership. Because so often when you start a partnership-based business, you're starting it based off of passion. It's just like an intimate relationship where it's like, oh, he's hot.


[00:14:28] Oh, this is great. I'm like, I didn't think my, like my business partner was like 40 I was. not that, but like, just to imagine an intimate relationship, when you see somebody at a bar or on a date and start dating. There's like the hot passion. Well, the same is true when you start a business, especially a product-based business where you're like, Ooh, I see the potential of this product.


[00:14:47] Oh, I see it too. And there's that passion and that excitement, but unless you're matched on a spiritual level of values, when challenges come and they will say, when not if, and they will, it is your values in which you make the decisions from. And when you and your partner are not aligned, just like in a romantic relationship, when you and your partner are not aligned in mutual based values.


[00:15:11] And you're not clear on what those values are, because our values are as subconscious processing system that we just filter all our information through. So, if you are not a self-aware of what those values are that you hold dear and B, you're not on the same page with your partner. You're in for a very bumpy ride.


[00:15:26] And fortunately, this has allowed me to help, some of my clients navigate. You know, buyouts in their own business and handle the loss of, losing a partner, losing a team member because of that lack of mutual values and really building a business that is based on those core values.


[00:15:43] To give you an example, one of my clients, she was in this romantic relationship, as well as a business relationship with her partner. And they were just not mutually aligned on their values. And the more she tried to work and make it work, the more friction there was. And once she finally surrendered that relationship, both romantically and professionally, she was able to stand on her own and really claim her power.


[00:16:06] And she was able to attract new team members who actually elevated into that role that she had wanted her partner to be in, but he wasn't really because of the mismatch of values, he wasn't missing the mark. And these other team members didn't have the opportunity to shine because of the values mismatched, because their values didn't align with the partner, either.


[00:16:26] And so that's the power of building your family, your intimate relationships, your business based off of mutually agreed upon aware values. And that was a huge, huge piece of education and wisdom that I received being a part of that startup. And then the other piece was really being able to look at trusting my intuition, trusting that piece. Cause there were many actions that we took early on that, in that startup that I disagreed with. But because he was older, because though I'd had more business actually owning a business because I'd had my Pilates because he was older and because he had more money than I did back then, I felt like, oh, I guess I should trust that decision that he's making.


[00:17:16] Versus my opinion, as what evolved was, I believe that when you start a business, you start it small and scrappy. Rather than like, you can start it with, you know, hiring marketing teams and PR teams, but unless they're actually really delivering a serious ROI, you can be in for quite a substantial deficit in your initial capital,


Laurin: Yeah.


Kimberly: That if, if you hire a bunch of help and then it, you don't know what you're doing, it leading it.


[00:17:42]That's why I teach and I work with my clients to build progressively and to start like leaning into that progressive build. And then, once you get used to leading a team, then it shifts and as your capital grows, as you have market, as you test what works like that, that was a huge learning piece to learn how to trust my intuition, because there were certain choices that were made that I just kind of deferred my decision.


And I do not do that anymore. I also own a hundred percent of my company, so that also has helped to.


Laurin: Yeah.

That does, make a benefit. Well, that's really useful and you have, taught me that, values-based thing. That's how I hired my assistant. And she was the first one to ask for an interview, when I put up my values-based advertisement for help and it's working wonderfully.

So it works, but I never would've of leading values then saying what you were looking for as far as work goes. Totally aligned perfectly with someone else whose values were very similar. So


Kimberly: Yeah.

because you can teach any skill set, editing a podcast, answering emails, any of these like skill sets you can teach, you can teach someone how to clean your house, the way you like it cleaned, but if they don't have the value of having a growth mindset, they won't want to learn it.


If they don't have the value of attention to detail, then they aren't going to be, as it may be attentive as you may be to certain things.


So it does come down to being clear about what are those values that you really value. Any skill set that we have, we've learned that. We didn't know how to even walk as babies. We're born very, very average with our skill set. And it's simply like being able to eat, poop and, sleep. Like that's it. Everything else is learned.


Laurin: Yes.


Kimberly: And because everything else is learned that means that we can teach something that we're doing, a process, to anyone else so long as that person is aligned on the same values.


Laurin: So I'm going to shift gears, just sort of, not a full gear. You were on a TEDx talk and I know that goal. So, tell us a little bit about what the talks about and how you did that.


Kimberly: So, the talk is called becoming a warrior for possibility. And it was a hundred percent manifested to be honest. I did put in some work, but it was fully in alignment with my belief that it can be like surrendering the how and surrendering the timeframe. So, I've had the desire to have a Ted talk for three years now.


[00:20:13] And I have had Google drive folders with like multiple ideas that I thought. This one could be a great Ted talk and this one could be a great Ted talk. And I've always said that I am a warrior for possibility. I coined that term once my son was born and after 24 hours of intense labor, I was like, if I can do this, I can do anything because I had him naturally.


And like in a birth, beautiful birthing center, it's on Netflix. It literally is on Netflix and a show called Being Dad. But


Laurin: About that. Yes.


Kimberly: Yeah. but the, the Ted talk came from, I was in Australia and we were in the part of Australia that wasn't severely locked down. You just didn't want to leave the state. But as long as you didn't leave the state, it was pretty much free as can be.


[00:20:55] And we were in Queensland and I thought, you know, maybe if I just did it, like, wouldn't it be interesting if I just did a Ted talk? Like I got curious in Australia, that could be fun.


[00:21:48] I saw one, I saw of unique positioning in the marketplace because in LA I'm one of them. 5 million people that wants to have a Ted talk versus in Australia, I'm the weird American who's living abroad. Who got stuck there in a pandemic I want to do a Ted talk. That's a unique value proposition right there. And so I just started looking at, Are there Ted talks and it just, I just Googled it. And I found a few, I reached out to a couple and then on the day that my son was born, yes, I checked my email 16 hours after I gave birth.


[00:21:34] I don't normally do that, but I had a gut instinct of just like, check your email. So again, it came back to that intuition and I saw a response. Yeah.

Yeah, We'd love to meet with you. Okay, cool. I was, I was in the running. I was being considered and they checked out my stuff. But it took,


[00:21:50] He was born July 1st. It took until September 18th for us to meet and because we met on September 18th. Which the date is quite I remember it because that was, would have been the date of my parents' 52nd anniversary. My dad had passed early in January of 2021. And that. Meeting. I just knew. And it was one of those moments of courage where I was sitting down with the organizer, his name was Clay, and he was a beautiful artist.


[00:22:17] And I connected with him because he done some art and sculptures for Burning Man. And I was like, I've always wanted to go to Burning Man. So I, I connected. I said, you know, I'm from LA and here's my story. And we connected. And so on that day, when I went to meet with him, He said, there's one spot left.


[00:22:34] So if you want it it's yours, but do you think you can be ready? Because the Ted talks in three weeks. I remember the moment, cause I was like, gotta be ready. And my immediate reaction was like, hell no. Cause I had literally prior to that, on my podcast, the princess and the beat I'd been in talks to, do a TEDx talk in Iowa and back in 2019 before, you know, the world shut down. And I had the organizer come onto my podcast and she had said, you know, it takes six months to a year to prepare for this talk. And I had three weeks and I said, you know what? All he wanted, he said, I want you to just share your story about your journey with your father and kind of how that leads into your one big idea.


[00:23:17] And my one big idea is that we can all be warriors for possibility, and that your life is a testimony for what's possible, and people are watching and living into the vision of what I was at the time, living my dream, living, what Spike and I, my husband's Spike and I had envisioned for our relationship and for our children to live abroad to have our kids raised abroad to have them experience different cultures.


[00:23:42] Like we were living into that vision because of courage. And so even though my immediate gut reaction was like Hell no. My, I was like, yes, yes. A thousand times. Yes. I had a feeling I would get it. So I had, prior to that, I, about a week before I'd reached out to a coach who specialized in TEDx talks and she and I had been in a mastermind together earlier that year.


[00:24:05] And I said, just a heads up. I think I may need your support. Keep your fingers crossed for me. And I tend to keep my goals pretty close to the chest. I'm not an outward projector of goals. I'm not the type that goes and blast goals out to the world because I feel like then I get a reflection back of things that I don't necessarily want to see that can dissuade me from that.


[00:24:24] And so until I'm like a thousand percent certain of something happening, I only keep my goal is pretty intimate and close to the chest within a small group of people. And so I, I told her, and then that day I was like, I sent her an email and said, we're on. Like send me the PayPal link. Like, and so I hired her, we worked together for the three weeks.


[00:24:05] She helped me craft it. She'd been, a children's book author, actually. And she helped me craft that I use actually posts from when my dad was in the hospital. Writing was incredibly cathartic for me to be able to process through the healing. And so, some of the pieces, because I interweaved the decision-making strategy of being able to decide what it really means to decide that's what my and that making an actual decision is quite bad-ass because to decide means to literally cut down any other possibilities.


[00:25:15] And that's quite warrior-like. But using that decision and being able to, to interweave those pieces that go into our decision making along with the decision to stay in Australia, which meant I wasn't able to fly home to see my dad and to be with him when he passed, I wouldn't have been allowed in the hospital anyway, because the COVID restrictions.


[00:25:31] But, that story element and the learning lesson on top of it, I was able to weave in both and because I'd just been so used to going on podcasts, speaking about these experiences, I wasn't really nervous. Like I'd had the training in professional speaking. I've been doing professional speaking; I've done over 200 podcasts interviews on other people's podcasts.


[00:25:52] And I've done tons of speeches. I did a lot of them back before the pandemic. And so I trusted myself to be able to produce. I just knew I needed a lot of rehearsal and I knew I needed support. So, my husband said, whatever, you need a hundred percent on board. He was watching the kids.


[00:26:06] On the last day, the day before the Ted talk was going to happen. My friend from Brisbane said she would come down and watch my kids, so my husband could be there to watch it with me, and to be there, to experience that moment with me. that's something that I. Brisbane to where I was living was basically two hours away, which is something people don't drive even 45 minutes to date someone across town in Los Angeles.


[00:26:29] So it was such a different cultural thing where she was like, yeah, I'll take a two-hour train ride to come down and see you and support you and watch your kids. I was like, I love you. These, these are just amazing people that we just manifested around us to support the vision.


[00:26:42] And it really came from that principle of learning to trust your intuition. Trust, to lean into the yes, when you really feel that desire within you and when it's a dream and a goal that is meant for you, that you have, I personally believe that your dreams were placed on your heart by the divine and that those dreams were given to you to create and enact so that you can become the person that version of you, who is the one who is leading that. Well, had I cowered or backed down from the opportunity, I wouldn't have been living into it and into who I was meant to be. And so it was a phenomenal experience. I've had teams come up to me back in LA, say like, oh my gosh, you're the Ted girl. I played that Ted talk for my team for like Monday mode.


[00:27:27] I'm like, oh, But it was, it's been just such an amazing adventure and journey and just, and validation in a way, you know, for my, my own ego, to be able to say this whole trusting your intuition thing and learning to trust, it's always another level of learning how to trust, is essential for success.

It's essential for achieving what it is that you want.


Laurin: Yeah, lovely. I'm so excited about that. I've watched it a couple of times. It's awesome. I highly recommend it. We will put a link in the show notes to that Ted talk because it's really fun to watch. And now you've got the backstory.


Kimberly: You got the backstory. Three weeks to a Ted talk.


Laurin: And now I know who to call when I need a coach. When I get to do a Ted talk,


Kimberly: Yes. Yeah. Rachel Rodriguez. She's amazing.


Laurin: there we go.

All right. Well, we're just about at, at the end of our time. So I have some rapid fire questions that I'm going to rapid-fire at you.


Kimberly: Bring Laurin.


Laurin: First thing on at the top of your head is what we need. So who is, or was the wisest person in your life?


Kimberly: Probably my dad.


Laurin: Okay. Is there a nugget of wisdom?