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Carisa: [00:00:00] I always describe it and the way that I work, really my whole guiding principle of it is that you don't make love happen, you make love welcome.
Laurin: Yeah. Yeah.
Carisa: Make love welcome. And we make it welcome by clearing out all of the things that are obstacles in us, and believing that it's not possible for us. Cuz we're really the only ones that are strong enough to stop our own manifestation of love. We're the only ones powerful enough to do that.
Laurin: Hello, friends, and welcome to Curiously Wise. I'm your host, Laurin Wittig. And I have the beautiful and love filled Carissa Montooth with me here today.
And I am so excited for this conversation because I think love is such an important thing to bring into the world right now. And Carissa happens to be an expert on the topic. So welcome Carissa.
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Carisa: Thank you, Laurin. I'm so excited to get to talk to you about love.
Laurin: Yeah. Makes you feel [00:01:00] good. All right, so let me just read your bio real quick so people know all of the wonderful things that you can do and, and are. Carissa is a love coach, a certified sixth generation healer. And if you've been listening to my podcast, you know, I'm a healer too, so I love that. She's an author and a speaker.
Carissa shows single women how to attract and date marriage minded men without self-sabotage. That's always a good thing to get over. She helps her clients identify their blind spots in love, heal their subconscious blocks to love, and navigate the dating world with grace and confidence. She's been featured in Yahoo Finance as a top 10 love coach, and she holds advanced degrees in psychology and counseling and has written extensively about topics relating to relationships, dating and love.
So I'm just super excited about this conversation.
Carisa: Me too, I can talk about love all day, so I always have to make...
Carisa: …sure that I'm careful with my time.
Laurin: I'll watch the time. We'll just have fun,
Laurin: So let's start with this idea of love coach. So tell us what you do as a love coach.
Carisa: Yeah, because I'm a love coach and a healer, I have obviously put a lot of thought into how those two roles function. And the love coaching part of things has to do with the things that are about mindset, the things that are about learning communication, the things that are about understanding differences between masculine and feminine energy, and all those kinds of questions that you get if you're on YouTube.
So things like, you know, where do I find this person? Or how do I write a pro a dating, an online dating profile? Or what do I say if they ask me this question? Those kinds of things all fall under the umbrella of coaching, which is about 20% of the whole process of manifesting love is really the mindset changes are really only like 10 or 20% of that. But…
Laurin: Then the rest is the healing.
Carisa: The rest is the healing part. Yeah. The rest is healing.
Laurin: Tell us also about that part.[00:03:00]
Carisa: Yeah. So the healing part has to do with all of the things that we are holding in our subconscious mind, which I like to almost think of as another word for our spirit.
Carisa: Really how psychologists are defining spirit, which is kind of indefinable, right? So, we hold all of these things in our subconscious that are these beliefs that came out of experiences of disappointment, or wounds from the past. And we are now telling ourselves things to save ourselves from future disappointment.
So we run these programs in our subconscious that say, do this so you don't get hurt again. Believe this, so you can avoid this pitfall. And a lot of times, you know, 99% of the time those things are not actually true, or they helped us at that time, but they're not true for us anymore.
And because they feel so true, we don't usually question them. We just manifest from them and operate from them and move from them as the basis of everything that [00:04:00] we're doing. But we're not really looking at it and asking, is this true for me? And is this true for me now?
Laurin: Yeah. That now part I think is really important cuz somewhere along the line, somebody taught me that a belief is just something we keep telling ourselves until we believe it.
Laurin: And so we carry a lot with us that maybe at one point did protect us in some way. As a child, maybe you didn't like conflict, so you made yourself into a person who didn't create conflict. But maybe that's not serving so well anymore.
Or maybe you were one who went and fell in love too fast, you know? And you need to maybe take a little more time to really know yourself and know the person that you're working towards, you're coming towards. So tell me a little bit more about how you do your healing work. Because I am an intuitive energy healer, so I get a lot of information from spirit, from the person's soul, spirit from the body, [00:05:00] even.
I’d have niece that talk to me, you know? I talk to spleens. It's, I know it's weird and wonderful. But I know that one of the things my main focus is finding those energetic blocks and I'm covering the source of them, which is almost always emotional in my experience. And then helping them to process that, I call it bringing it into the light.
Laurin: And so it sounds like we…
Carisa: I call it bringing it up to the top.
Laurin: Yes. Yeah. Yeah,
Carisa: It's really similar.
Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. So that's so where you can see it, you know, bringing it up where you can, you can see it, acknowledge it, and work through it.
Carisa: Where you can deal with it.
Laurin: Yeah. And then transform it into something wonderful. That's, yeah. So that's a very similar process.
Carisa: Yeah, my process is very similar in that. A lot of times I believe in the sovereignty of my client in their own wisdom, in their sovereignty. So I am always connecting with consent, is one thing. But the other thing is,[00:06:00] looking at what is there to be healed now. Because I've noticed that their spirit will bring forward the thing that needs to be healed now. That they're actually ready to heal now.
Carisa: And we don't have to go in and do a bunch of exploratory digging and get to 100 of the blocks that are there. We really just have to look at what's between them and where they wanna be right now. And their spirit already knows that. So, a lot of times we will connect an energy with permission, and then I will ask for, I will ask for my guidance about what it is we need to start testing for.
Carisa: So I might have an idea of what I think it is, but I'm also aware that that might just be an idea I have in my conscious mind. And so, I'm really careful about making sure my agenda is separate. I don't have an agenda I'm bringing. So, then we see what's coming up for them. We test to make sure that if that's really what's happening for them.
So we do muscle testing to make sure. So [00:07:00] that it's also not just a story that they're saying in their conscious mind, but something that's actually really happening in their spirit. A deep, deeply held subconscious belief. And then because we are connected in energy at that point, I can ask for that to be cleared. That specific need to be cleared.
And usually, I'm bringing in something that is equal and opposite to that. I'm asking for a download that's equal and opposite to that. Because a lot of times nature’s a force, a vacuum, right? So we can clear something, clear something, clear something. But if healing isn't just about clearing out the things that aren't working anymore, it's also bringing in those things for wholeness.
You know, we, we wanna bring that into anchor.
Carisa: So a lot of times with love, that will mean let's look at what's really behind this belief. Let's get really clear about what this belief means. So for example, I had a group I was working with to do energy healing a couple of, a few days ago. And one of the beliefs that came up to be cleared that really just resonated with the group, cuz it was almost like I don't know what it looks like for you and energy, but for [00:08:00] me, have you seen those scenes of like Christmas, it's miniature town and it's Christmas and there's houses, little houses everywhere and all of these things and they all have little lights in them?
For me, if I'm working with a group, what I see, it's almost like I see it, the lights go on in little houses all over Christmas Town kind.
Laurin: That's cool.
Carisa: It's like, oh, everybody's got this, you know? And the more lights that I'm seeing go on, the more that that I know that it's something that resonates for the majority of the group. So that's what I look for when I'm doing group healing because I want to make sure that as many people as possible are able to clear that belief in the time we have. But what I noticed is this particular belief was it had to do with, I am hard to love.
Carisa: But everyone's version of I am hard to love, had a different flavor to it.
Carisa: So some people's I am hard to love was [00:09:00] because I need to lose weight first. Some people's version was because I'm a single mom.
Carisa: Some people's was because my standards are too high. For some people it was because I have a hole in my heart and I'm trying really hard to fill it up, and nobody wants to do that for me. I'm asking for too much. So a lot of times in that kind of a situation, what's under it is so important. So when we're bringing, when we're clearing, we can clear I am hard to love, but then we need to bring in maybe 10 different versions of I am easy to love.
Laurin: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Carisa: And 10 different versions of why I'm easy to love. I'm easy to love exactly as I am right now in this body.
Carisa: I think for the one that was the single mom we brought in I am easy to love and so are my kids.
Carisa: You, you know, and my kids are one of the lovable things about me, you know? [00:10:00] How good of a parent I am and those kinds of things, you know? So it's, it's, a lot of it is that, that energy work, and when we're doing the energy work, the mindset part is kind of easy afterwards.
It's like driving. It's like you take your parking brake off, driving with your parking brake, parking brake off now, you know?
Laurin: Yeah. Yeah.
Carisa: Because the way that I always describe it and the way that I work, really, my whole guiding principle of it is that you don't make love happen, you make love welcome.
Laurin: Yeah. Yeah.
Carisa: Make love welcome. And we make it welcome by clearing out all of the things that are obstacles in us. And believing that it's not possible for us, cuz we're really the only ones that are strong enough to stop our own manifestation of love. We're the only ones powerful enough to do that.
You know that you're a healer.
Laurin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah. I have to remind myself of that for myself too. Even though we're healers, we still have that some of that stuff that's gotta clear out regularly.
Carisa: Oh, yeah,
Laurin: So, it sounds to me like a lot of that is really about self-love. It's [00:11:00] about how do, how do you create, how do you love yourself as you are in the right now?
So do you have any other, I mean, that's a lovely way of figuring out what the block is and then bringing in these affirmative statements to create a new belief. So, do you have any other tools that you use to help people with that self-love kind of aspect of this work? I'm sure you do.
Carisa: Absolutely. Yeah. Well, some of what we do if we're looking at the love coaching side, it's bringing in specific practices of self-love on a daily basis, on a weekly basis, on a monthly basis.
Carisa: So it's things like a gratitude practice, not only for what's good in your life, but for yourself.
Like, I'm grateful for myself. I'm grateful for me. I'm grateful for who I am when you're first waking up in the morning, bringing that in with you into sleep and doing things for yourself. Like one example was I got myself, I remember I got myself this really beautiful night gown for my birthday, and I wrote myself this message like, [00:12:00] Happy birthday sexy, you know? And I said, you know something when I got it, I was just like, that's right!
Carisa: You know? Yes. You know, So some of it depends on kind of who I'm working with and what would feel most like self-love to them.
Carisa: So it can be things like, oh, she's waiting to use her favorite perfume until she has a date. Well, no. Use that every day. Spray your sheets with it, you know?
Laurin: Yeah, yeah.
Carisa: Really coming into it and that you're worthy of using that thing right now as you are. Some of it has to do with some of the work that Louise Hay pioneered in terms of mirror work.
Carisa: And looking in our eyes, and telling ourselves, I love you, but also saying thank you when we're looking in our eyes. Noot only thank you for being you, but thank you for manifesting all the great things you manifested so far because of how manifesting is such a self-actualizing kind of a process.
So the more that we're saying I'm a master manifestor, the more of a master manifestor we become.
Carisa: You know? [00:13:00] So it's, yeah.
Laurin: I, I remember when I first learned about Louise Hay's mirror work and tried it. It was hard to do.
Carisa: So hard.
Laurin: Yeah. Which, I mean, it doesn't seem like it should be that hard, but looking yourself in the eye and going, you are perfect just the way you are. It's like, you all these, but yes, but yes, but yes, but, you know, things would come up.
Carisa: Yeah. You sometimes can feel, especially depending on how much inner work you must have done up to, that you might have done at that point, because you can get instant pushback.
Carisa: You know, you just hit that instant resistance wall that it's just like, what are you doing? This is ridiculous.
This is not ever gonna work for you. You start to hear all these kinds of things. And so it's really great when I get to do this with my clients because one of the things I'll do is make them stop on the call and go do it right now for 60 seconds. Because then they can tell themselves, well my coach is making me do its homework, so I have to do it, you know, and then that takes away a little of the resistance.
Laurin: [00:14:00] Yeah! That's brilliant.
Carisa: Yeah, So I just make them do it right now for 60 seconds. I'm timing you 60 seconds. Go do it right now. You know?
Laurin: That's brilliant. That is really brilliant.
Carisa: And it's, it's really helpful to give them permission to love themselves and a space to love themselves without excuses. And then you just find like, it's because I'm looking for blocks to clear a lot of the time, that tells us instantly what's going on. Because if they're looking in the mirror, we listen to what the resistance is saying.
So if they're saying, I love you, and this block is saying, oh, well, if you lose a little weight, maybe. Or if you hadn't messed up with X, Y, Z, so then I'm like, that's gold. That's great.
Laurin: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Carisa: We need to, that’s what we needed to know. That's what we needed to hit on, because that's what we wanted clear.
Because so often people get this gospel of positivity at all costs, and [00:15:00] so it's, which really just turns into, I'm pushing down all of the things that I actually feel, but I'm still manifesting from those negative beliefs.
Laurin: Right. It's, and it's so hard to maintain that false positivity,
Carisa: It's impossible and unnecessary.
Laurin: Yeah, it's work and then you get pissed off cuz it's work and then you're back in the mere. I am amazed over, I've probably been doing this internal work for well my whole life, but really consciously for the last 10 years or so.
And I'm amazed at how much easier it is for me to just kind of roll with punches and go with the flow. Now where 10 years ago, 20 years ago, I was just super reactive. Everything was always an emergency. It was like always like I had this amazing startle response and which really would act to kind of freeze me, you know? Intellectually I couldn't problem solve because I was emotionally already in fight or flight.
Carisa: Yeah. You were [00:16:00] deer in the headlights.
Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, and you have kids and one of them's got bad asthma and other things. And you know, everything was always an emergency to my nervous system.
Laurin: But as I've done the work, and I've worked with a lot of healers at this point and released so much crap, not just from this lifetime, but from many, many others I find it's really easy to be positive.
Laurin: Not that I don't get down or you don't have those moments of what is happening, but I can very quickly go, okay.
Laurin: What can we do now? You know? And that for me has been a remarkable change because it does make me a lot easier to live with for one thing, you know? Both personally with myself and, and my family. You know?
Carisa: And for them, yeah. And I think that what that does is it shows it helps us to be able to feel the difference between trying to be positive all the time and trying to be perfect.
Carisa: Because there is this thing of [00:17:00] feeling like we need to be perfect in order to deserve love, or we need to be perfect in order to have whatever the thing is.
And sometimes that whole positivity thing kind of bleeds into that. It's like, I need to be 100% positive all the time, or I'm gonna manifest a bunch of freaky stuff and not have what I need, you know? It's kinda like the biggest thing, like even, even when I'm working with women to create a love list, it would just like this four-part process that we use, right?
Sometimes, the fear of it not being perfect will paralyze people because it's well, what if I ask for it and it comes? But I forgot to ask for…it wasn't perfect, you know, it's like, you know.
Laurin: That's where I somebody my, well, my best friend taught me when setting intentions even is to set the intention. I love myself unconditionally or better.
Carisa: Yes. This or something better.
Laurin: Something [00:18:00] better, you know? It just, it's this magical thing. Just whatever it is, or better.
Carisa: Or better. Or even more compatible.
Laurin: Yeah, yeah, exactly. It just takes away that responsibility for getting it perfect. It can get close and or better.
Carisa: Or better. I'm open to that.
Laurin: It was a, like such a, an aha moment. It's like, oh yeah. Cuz it does take that responsibility for asking exactly perfectly for what you want. You know?
Carisa: Yes, yes. And feeling like you have to do that. And I know, like what I've discovered about all of that is that tools, like the love list or anything that requires you to get clarity when you're asking for something is such a thing of us being taught to be manifestors. Anything that makes us have to get clarity…