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Transcript Laurin Wittig Solo Episode

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Laurin: [00:00:00] It is a powerful thing that allows for a lot of room for growth, room for deeper understanding of self, room for getting curious about other people as well. It brings space into your life. It brings peace into your life. It brings a deeper understanding of yourself and how you want to be in the world, and that is a very powerful thing.

Listen to full episode here

Hello friends, and welcome back to Curiously Wise. I'm Laurin Wittig, your host. And today's a solo episode so you just get me. But I have tons of interviews coming up, so don't miss any of those as well. Today what I wanna talk about is something that I've been working on for myself for quite a long time, and I'm starting to [00:01:00] get pretty good at it.

But it's been a process and the thing that I've been practicing is changing my thoughts. And I'm thinking particularly when in a stressful situation and that can be anything from a difficult conversation with somebody who is just difficult and you can't quite disengage from them. Or today I was having an annual test done and there was some questions that kind of created a little anxiety in me. Everything's fine. But I just, it made me think about how I needed to, and I did during the process of waiting for results.

Instead of allowing myself to go into the anxiety, I kept taking a breath. I would consciously relax my body and I would change my thoughts from, oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God to I'm okay. Everything's good. I know it's okay. This is just tests. It's just an annual test and it's just a funkiness that's happened and I'm gonna be [00:02:00] fine.

There's nothing wrong with me, which was true. But I chose to change the self-talk so it's not easy to do. It's really not easy to do. We have so many sort of pre-programmed ways of reacting to things that we don't even really, I, I know, I didn't believe that I had any control over or any choice about. I would get angry and I would get choked up.

I would get sad and I would get choked up. I couldn't speak. My voice was trapped. And even just sometimes trying to explain myself to somebody who doesn't think the way I do, which is in symbols and metaphors and knowings and even that can be quite stressful. And then I find I get tongue tied, and then I start berating myself, why can't I do this better?

And blah, blah, blah. So, I just wanted to share with you what I've been practicing for years now. And I am, I'm getting pretty good at it. I [00:03:00] was proud of myself today for practicing what I have been learning to do and being quite successful with it. Not that there wasn't some anxiety there, but I didn't let it overwhelm me.

I didn't get swept up in it. Here's the main thing that's required. You have to create some space in which to choose not to react. So, for example, when I start to get a little defensive in a conversation, I have learned to literally relax my body, especially my hands and my shoulders and sometimes my jaw.

But just to relax, to take a deep breath. To allow the person to keep talking without feeling like I have to defend myself or I have to get my point of view across. I don't have to be right. Even if I think I'm right, I don't have to prove that I'm right. I can be okay. Just knowing that I believe that what I'm thinking about this situation is true. [00:04:00]

It's certainly true for me. So, changing your perspective starts with that space. And perspective is such a superpower. If you can consciously change your perspective about whatever situation you're in. Whatever's going on around you consciously choose to change your perspective. It gives you that space to get curious.

You know how I like curiosity. And when you start to get curious, you start to see things from a broader perspective. I call it a higher perspective a lot of times cuz I often feel like I lift up out of my body and look down upon the situation so I can see it with more distance, literal distance. And so, for me that breathing, that relaxing is the first step towards creating that space, that space for perspective.

And then playing the game of getting curious about what's really going [00:05:00] on and not with the other person with me. I get curious about what's going on with me. Think about that. I'm not getting curious about why the other person is saying what they're saying or doing what they're doing or believes what they believe.

That's not my business as theirs. My business is why am I reacting in this way? Why am I getting upset or getting anxious or feeling defensive? And that breath and that curiosity asking, why am I reacting this way? Creates space. It creates a beat. In writing we call it a beat, where you, take a pause or an acting, so you take a beat, you take a pause.

It allows you to disconnect from whatever is causing you to react in this uncomfortable way or just a way that you don't want to react anymore and really think about, really delve into, and you can do this in a snap. It doesn't have to be a [00:06:00] 15 minute, you know, deep dive into your psyche. It can be, gosh, this is making me really uptight, my throat's getting tight, I'm getting anxious, and I don't wanna feel that way and wait a minute.

Why am I feeling that way? We're just having a conversation. Or why am I feeling that way? I just had a test and I know it's fine. And often it's the past invading the present. Often we react that way because in the past, something triggered that kind of reaction in us, and we have repeated that in so many different times and places and situations and with different people that it's a habit.

To go into that reaction, that space of taking a breath, relaxing your body, getting curious about yourself. That stops that habit, that stops that script that we have in our head about how we react in this situation. And it gives us that [00:07:00] space for perspective. Gives us that space to continue to get more curious. How would I like to react in this situation?

What would be a, a better way to react? What would be a way that would make me feel better to react? And I'm not saying you choose to capitulate to whatever the other person's saying or that you choose to just not think about something that you need to think about. How could I react. What did I do in my medical testing today?

I sang myself a little song. It's about going with the flow. You know, it's my, one of my favorite singers is Fia, F I A. She's Scandinavian, but sings in English. And she's very spiritual and it's like a mantra. Her songs would become like mantras to me. Anyway, so I, I sang that to myself. I was in the room by myself for a few minutes.

I sang that to myself. I reminded myself that I knew deep in my bones that I was fine, that this was [00:08:00] just a test that had not shown what it should have, or, and they were looking just to be short. Just to double, you know, double, triple check doesn't mean I was not anxious at all, but I was able to kind of push it to the side, not give it the power it had over me.