Laurin: [00:00:00] It is a powerful thing that allows for a lot of room for growth, room for deeper understanding of self, room for getting curious about other people as well. It brings space into your life. It brings peace into your life. It brings a deeper understanding of yourself and how you want to be in the world, and that is a very powerful thing.
Hello friends, and welcome back to Curiously Wise. I'm Laurin Wittig, your host. And today's a solo episode so you just get me. But I have tons of interviews coming up, so don't miss any of those as well. Today what I wanna talk about is something that I've been working on for myself for quite a long time, and I'm starting to [00:01:00] get pretty good at it.
But it's been a process and the thing that I've been practicing is changing my thoughts. And I'm thinking particularly when in a stressful situation and that can be anything from a difficult conversation with somebody who is just difficult and you can't quite disengage from them. Or today I was having an annual test done and there was some questions that kind of created a little anxiety in me. Everything's fine. But I just, it made me think about how I needed to, and I did during the process of waiting for results.
Instead of allowing myself to go into the anxiety, I kept taking a breath. I would consciously relax my body and I would change my thoughts from, oh my God. Oh my God, oh my God to I'm okay. Everything's good. I know it's okay. This is just tests. It's just an annual test and it's just a funkiness that's happened and I'm gonna be [00:02:00] fine.
There's nothing wrong with me, which was true. But I chose to change the self-talk so it's not easy to do. It's really not easy to do. We have so many sort of pre-programmed ways of reacting to things that we don't even really, I, I know, I didn't believe that I had any control over or any choice about. I would get angry and I would get choked up.
I would get sad and I would get choked up. I couldn't speak. My voice was trapped. And even just sometimes trying to explain myself to somebody who doesn't think the way I do, which is in symbols and metaphors and knowings and even that can be quite stressful. And then I find I get tongue tied, and then I start berating myself, why can't I do this better?
And blah, blah, blah. So, I just wanted to share with you what I've been practicing for years now. And I am, I'm getting pretty good at it. I [00:03:00] was proud of myself today for practicing what I have been learning to do and being quite successful with it. Not that there wasn't some anxiety there, but I didn't let it overwhelm me.
I didn't get swept up in it. Here's the main thing that's required. You have to create some space in which to choose not to react. So, for example, when I start to get a little defensive in a conversation, I have learned to literally relax my body, especially my hands and my shoulders and sometimes my jaw.
But just to relax, to take a deep breath. To allow the person to keep talking without feeling like I have to defend myself or I have to get my point of view across. I don't have to be right. Even if I think I'm right, I don't have to prove that I'm right. I can be okay. Just knowing that I believe that what I'm thinking about this situation is true. [00:04:00]
It's certainly true for me. So, changing your perspective starts with that space. And perspective is such a superpower. If you can consciously change your perspective about whatever situation you're in. Whatever's going on around you consciously choose to change your perspective. It gives you that space to get curious.
You know how I like curiosity. And when you start to get curious, you start to see things from a broader perspective. I call it a higher perspective a lot of times cuz I often feel like I lift up out of my body and look down upon the situation so I can see it with more distance, literal distance. And so, for me that breathing, that relaxing is the first step towards creating that space, that space for perspective.
And then playing the game of getting curious about what's really going [00:05:00] on and not with the other person with me. I get curious about what's going on with me. Think about that. I'm not getting curious about why the other person is saying what they're saying or doing what they're doing or believes what they believe.
That's not my business as theirs. My business is why am I reacting in this way? Why am I getting upset or getting anxious or feeling defensive? And that breath and that curiosity asking, why am I reacting this way? Creates space. It creates a beat. In writing we call it a beat, where you, take a pause or an acting, so you take a beat, you take a pause.
It allows you to disconnect from whatever is causing you to react in this uncomfortable way or just a way that you don't want to react anymore and really think about, really delve into, and you can do this in a snap. It doesn't have to be a [00:06:00] 15 minute, you know, deep dive into your psyche. It can be, gosh, this is making me really uptight, my throat's getting tight, I'm getting anxious, and I don't wanna feel that way and wait a minute.
Why am I feeling that way? We're just having a conversation. Or why am I feeling that way? I just had a test and I know it's fine. And often it's the past invading the present. Often we react that way because in the past, something triggered that kind of reaction in us, and we have repeated that in so many different times and places and situations and with different people that it's a habit.
To go into that reaction, that space of taking a breath, relaxing your body, getting curious about yourself. That stops that habit, that stops that script that we have in our head about how we react in this situation. And it gives us that [00:07:00] space for perspective. Gives us that space to continue to get more curious. How would I like to react in this situation?
What would be a, a better way to react? What would be a way that would make me feel better to react? And I'm not saying you choose to capitulate to whatever the other person's saying or that you choose to just not think about something that you need to think about. How could I react. What did I do in my medical testing today?
I sang myself a little song. It's about going with the flow. You know, it's my, one of my favorite singers is Fia, F I A. She's Scandinavian, but sings in English. And she's very spiritual and it's like a mantra. Her songs would become like mantras to me. Anyway, so I, I sang that to myself. I was in the room by myself for a few minutes.
I sang that to myself. I reminded myself that I knew deep in my bones that I was fine, that this was [00:08:00] just a test that had not shown what it should have, or, and they were looking just to be short. Just to double, you know, double, triple check doesn't mean I was not anxious at all, but I was able to kind of push it to the side, not give it the power it had over me.
In past situations, similar situations, I was able to stay calm. I was able to relax, which of course always makes things easier to deal with when you're relaxed. I was able to see the truth I knew within even though the tests were indecisive so far, and it allowed me to just be present in that moment and I let go of all concerns about what could be, what it might be.
What if it's cancer? What if it's this, what if it's that? All that icky stuff that we jump into. So, we bring our past reaction, self-trained reaction into the present, and then we project into the future, [00:09:00] which brings more anxiety or more defensiveness, or more conflict, instead of just being present in the moment with what's going on right now.
And what was going on right now in that moment for me today was I was laying down on a very comfortable bed, and I was sure in my bones that I was fine. And I was able to be jovial with the staff and the doctors and, you know, it just was, it was easier and it was easier for them. And it was easier for me. And I walked out of there feeling very good about the situation and about the, the process.
Instead, I could have felt really unnecessarily made anxious and those kinds of things. And that's, that's not useful. That's just blame and judgment. This isn't easy to do in the moment if you don't think about it ahead of time, if you don't practice, if you don't get conscious about noticing your reactions to things. [00:10:00] And so one of the things that I have done over the last 10 years, maybe more, is I have really begun to notice my reactions now. At first, I just noticed them.
I did not feel like I had any control over it. I felt a victim of my own emotions. I felt like other people had created this feeling within me. But I noticed that, I noticed that my throat was tight. I noticed that I was on the verge of tears for no good reason. I noticed these things about myself, and that noticing alone begins to shift things.
And so, once I got good at noticing, then I started to think, well, what if I could change this? What if it is such a superstar of a question? What if I could change the way I reacted? What would it take? And then of course, I've taken classes, I've worked with a lot of healers. I have learned a lot through my own healing work for my clients.
And just [00:11:00] through conversations with really wise people, I learned that I actually am the master of my thought. My thoughts are not the master of me. I didn't really believe that for a while, but slowly but surely in small ways, I began to notice how I was reacting and choosing to tune in and see what was going on inside.
What am I telling myself inside about this? It's making me so crazy. And then once I got a little better at that, I did something that is a little uncomfortable to do if anybody else is home. But I would have conversations with myself in the mirror as if I were talking to somebody in one of these situations, and I would practice how I want to react.
I would practice reacting the preferred way. So, when there's nobody else there but me, there's no [00:12:00] other energy to deal with. There's nobody, like if somebody's angry or somebody's upset, there's none of that energy coming at me. It's just me in the mirror. And the mirror helped me watch my body language.
It helped me to see the expression on my face, and I was able to really begin. To feel that change within when I chose not to react in the old way, but rather to react in a more useful way. Useful either because it kept me calm and I felt better. Useful because I was able to be present for the other person as opposed to planning what my next thought was.
What I was gonna say next to defend myself or whatever. I was able to be present. I was able to listen better. I was able to be calm. I was able to recognize my thoughts like I did today. Oh, I'm feeling really anxious about this, when there's really no reason to be.
And make a choice. Take a breath, relax the body. And I had to do that a few [00:13:00] times today, but I noticed, Ooh, I'm getting anxious again. Okay. Oh, yeah. My hands are kind of clenched. My shoulders are tight. Let me just take a breath. I literally sat down at one point and closed my eyes and just paid attention to my breath for about five breaths.
That helped. Singing a song to myself, even if I didn't do it out loud, the lyrics were running in my head. That helped. It helped to shift my attention away from the thoughts I, that were not serving me well, and helped me to then have the space to choose better thoughts, to choose a better way to approach the situation, to react to the situation.
I am a work in progress. I am always gonna be a work in progress. I don't care how old I get, I'm gonna be a work in progress. And so, this is something that I have not perfected. I didn't have zero anxiety today. I had some, but I managed it [00:14:00] in a, a very healthy way. I managed it in a way that allowed me to remain calm, to remain open to whatever was happening in the moment, to ask questions when I had questions, as opposed to being all choked up and tight and afraid I was gonna cry and I did.
That was not a problem for me today. This is from years of practice. So now I find that I can do this in the midst of conversations, difficult conversations or places where I would be a little defensive about things that I don't need to be defensive about. I don't have to prove myself. I don't have to convince anybody else about my worldview.
I don't get defensive. I listen. I ask questions because I, I am now opening myself up to be curious. Once I get done being curious about myself, my own reactions, I've opened myself up to get curious about the other person [00:15:00] or the situation, and allow for curiosity to lead me into deeper understanding.
So, I just wanted to share this with you because it's a really powerful. Way to grow as a person to grow in, in terms of taking yourself out of a victim mode or out of a blame mode or out of a judging yourself. I used to judge myself for not being able to manage my, my emotions. It wasn't my emotions; it was my thoughts that needed managing.
And that's a lot easier to do cuz your thoughts are what kind of generate the emotions a lot of times. I've also been learning to be in the present. So instead of borrowing from the past, what is that script? Why do I react this way? Because I've always reacted this way.
That's the past, not borrowing into the future. What happens if there's terrible news and oh my God, now I'm gonna react right now. That's a waste of time. You haven't got to that bridge yet, [00:16:00] you know, don't, don't cross it till you get to it you know, cuz you probably don't have to cross it.
So, all of these things create more peace in my life. They create more easy. Bring easiness to relationships, whether it's friends or family or people at a, at a store. It allows me to let go of anxiety. It allows me to let go of fear. It allows me to let go of that feeling of not being in control of myself.
So, I just wanna encourage you to try this on, see if it fits you. And you know, if you don't like the way I have gone about doing it, find your own way of doing it. But it is a powerful thing that allows for a lot of room for growth, room for deeper understanding of self. Room for getting curious about other people as well.
It brings space into your life. It brings peace into your life. It brings a deeper understanding [00:17:00] of yourself and how you want to be in the world, and that is a very powerful thing. So, thank you for joining me again this time on Curiously Wise. I hope to see you the next time.
Each week we come out with a new episode. Sometimes it is interviews and sometimes you just get me and my musings. If you have something that you would like me to talk about, I would love to hear from you. If you are watching this on YouTube, you can leave me a comment in the section below, and if you are listening to this on a podcast, then you can email me at laurin@heartlightjoy.com.
Keep in mind, it's Laurin with an I. L A U R I N @heartlightjoy.com. Look forward to seeing you next time. In the meantime, choose good thoughts and stay curious.
Thank you so [00:18:00] much for joining us today on Curiously Wise. If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to subscribe so you don't miss future fabulous conversations. And if you had any ahas, please share them in a review on apple podcasts so we can continue to pay forward the unique wisdom we all have.
If you want to know more about me or my intuitive energy healing practice Heartlight Wellness, please head over to my website. www.heartlightjoy.com.
Curiously Wise is a team effort. I am grateful for the skill and enthusiasm. Arlene Membrot, our producer and Sam Wittig, our audio engineer bring to this collaboration. Our music is Where the Light Is by Lemon Music Studio.
I'm Laurin Wittig. Please join me again next week for another episode of Curiously Wise. From my heart to yours, may your life be filled with love, light, joy, and of course, curiosity. [00:19:00]
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