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Interview Episode with Carly O'Connor

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[00:00:00] Laurin: Welcome to the Curiously Wise podcast. I'm your host Laurin Wittig. This podcast is all about women supporting women, mind, body, and spirit. It's a place where we will honor celebrate and share women's natural and experiential wisdom through curiosity provoking conversations, shared stories and tips we've all gathered along this journey. I invite you to join in the fun as we uncover the unique wisdom, we each carry within us. Ready? Let's get curious!


[00:00:46] Hello, and welcome to Curiously Wise. I have a very wise woman with me today. She's somebody that I've known for a while, but I think I'm going to get to know her better today. And her name is Carly O'Connor and I'm going to let Carly introduce herself. She is an amazing, wealth of knowledge, about a wealth of things. So, I'm going to let Carly go here.


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[00:01:09] Carly: Thanks so much Laurin, I'm so happy to be here. Yeah. So where to even start. Right. And I know I always have a hard time figuring out like how to start my story, because I've kind of been on this path for the last 21 years now. And I know I'm not that old, but you know, I started early.


[00:01:25] Laurin: Earlier than me.


[00:01:27] Carly: Yeah. And, and, you know, it started with this kind of like fascination with Hmm.


[00:01:31] Things are not right. And, you know, I've always been a little like, weird, right? When I was a kid, my mom, I used to astral travel, which I didn't realize until I was an adult, but my mom was like, yeah, we'd be sitting around. And then all of a sudden, you'd disappear and we'd be like earth to Carly and you would just be totally gone, you know?


[00:01:49] And later on as an adult, I was like, oh, okay. But, you know, we had a really interesting family dynamic and a lot of traumas and a lot of really hard things that happened. And so, it kind of started as a quest to understand, what's going on? Why is this stuff happening? Where am I? Who am I?


[00:02:05] You know? And so, we started off with religion and philosophy and psychology, and then shifted into the occult and better physics and all kinds of fun stuff. And then 21 years later here we are still learning, still growing, still not really knowing what's going on. I don't know, but having fun.


[00:02:27]Laurin: It shifts and changes all the time, doesn't it? It's like you think you've figured it out. And then, another wild hair comes out.


[00:02:35] Carly: Yeah. Yeah. And, and, you know, I know that you and I have talked about this before, and I'm sure you've talked about this on your podcast, but it is, it's like a spiral, right? And these things they reappear and you're like, Hmm. I thought I did that, but yeah, but you know, fortunately it comes up with less severity each time.


[00:02:50] Right. Or with a little bit more grace each time where you're like, oh, I've seen this before. And thankfully this is so much easier than it was before.


[00:03:00] Laurin: Yeah.


[00:03:00] I don't know if I have talked about that yet on here, but it's something that I talk about a lot with clients and, other people like you. And I know when I was beginning my journey that spiral was tight and I kept running into these, you know, big lessons and big resistance.


[00:03:17] I did not go in there kind of energy that I had to work through and I learned amazing things from it. And now when things spiral back, I go, oh, hell, it's back. got another layer to peel away here. But like you said, it's usually a much easier lesson it's brought with more grace. I believe that the universe brings things to us in the gentlest form.


[00:03:40] It can, to get our attention.


[00:03:42]So we're resisting, it's a little rougher, but if we're like, okay, fine, let's do this. Then you can move through it pretty quickly. Plus you gained perspective and tools from those earlier lessons.


[00:03:56] Carly: Yeah. Yeah. I know for me, I definitely had a lot of, what do we call it two by four therapy


[00:04:02] Laurin: I have two.


[00:04:02]Carly: For a long time. Yeah. Where I wasn't paying attention and yes, I was learning about all these things, but I wasn't putting anything in action. And so I was still manifesting all this crap in my life. But now I can look back and be like, wow, I'm so, so thankful for all of these things that happened. But at the time I was just kind of like, what is going on?


[00:04:24] Where are we? Like, what is, why is all this stuff happening?


[00:04:27] And, it definitely took me some serious, serious two by four therapy to that literally actually physically stopped me in my tracks, made it so that I couldn't walk for like three months and I had nothing to do, but figure things out. And that was a real turning point. So, it was the worst thing that had ever happened in my life, but it was the greatest gift because look at where we are now.


[00:04:51]Laurin: So that's one of those nuggets of wisdom that I like to pull out from these conversations is that often the worst thing that happens to us turns out to be the most useful in terms of how we move forward with our lives and in the world.


[00:05:05] Carly: I think there are two ways that people respond to those things, right. And, and I can see how I could have gone down one path and then chose the other path instead, because you know, when you look at the world around you, you tend to find that people who have been through big traumas, they either get really judgmental and closed off and bitter and jaded, or they see it for the opportunity that it is.


[00:05:27] And I think that that is one of the. And, you know, when I work with clients now and they're going through traumas, I'm thankful for mine because I'm like, okay, here's your, and I use my own trauma as an example of look, if I was able to overcome these things, right? And they were profound to me, like this is profound to you, then here are your choices.


[00:05:48] And I think, letting people understand that their choices, like you don't have to go down this path to where it's bitter and horrible, and you live in this victim space. You can become empowered. You can choose to live your life on purpose. You can choose to love yourself and understand that all this past program and that you received is not accurate and you can reprogram and you can get something better for yourself.


[00:06:14] Laurin: Yeah. Yeah, that was getting out a victim mindset for me was huge. And it was unfortunately fairly late in my life. It's all I've been in the last few years that I finally, finally, it was one of those that spiraled back regularly, but then I finally sort of got it that, okay. I can be a victim or I can make a different choice. And, and boy, what a trajectory my life has gone on since I did that. So, it's very powerful. I like to talk about perspective with my clients because it's one of the things I rely on other people for it often when I'm, especially in, in those two by four days, why is this happening?


[00:06:56] Carly: Yeah. Yeah.


[00:06:57] Laurin: You know, so somebody on the outside going, well, you know, you could choose this and then that would be…


[00:07:03] Okay, so, but then you get better at it. I think so there's a lot of gifts from those traumas. I have I'll call it father narcissistic, mother who had dementia and I mean, all kinds of things. Ancestral stuff that I'm still working, helping to work through, but those are the most profound lessons of my life and are the things that I'm most able to help my clients with.


[00:07:26] Carly: yeah.


[00:07:27] Laurin: Oh, that's very, very powerful. So how did you, I mean, we know your earliest journey onto this, but you're an actual working healer now. So how did that change come about for you?


[00:07:38] Carly: Reluctantly?


[00:07:42] You know, it's really interesting. Most of these things that I am now doing, I was very reluctant. I don't know if I put it in this bio for you, but I put reluctant psychic.


[00:07:54] Laurin: but I completely understand.


[00:07:56] Carly: I've done a lot of kind of past life work to understand the reluctance and understand the fear. Cause I had a big fear of being seen and I had a big fear of putting myself out there in the world. And then when I did this past life regression, it was like, hey, you got burned at the stake and you died in the desert and you were stoned to death.


[00:08:12] And like, that's why. And I'm like, oh, okay, well that makes a whole lot of sense. Cause then I knew that all of those fears are totally irrational because people don't get burned at the stake anymore. Like come on.


[00:08:22] Laurin: Yeah.


[00:08:23] Carly: And so, I was able to kind of put that aside, but really there were a couple of things that shifted, because I've been studying healing and we were talking about before we got on here, I learned a lot of stuff for a long time, and just kind of like collecting the things and really, it started off for me to heal myself. Right. Because there was so much trauma and there were so many near death experiences and so much domestic stuff that I was just such a mess, I know that there's something better.


[00:08:51] I know that I'm here to do something more. I know that I'm here to be of service and I don't know what that looks like, but I know that it starts with me working on me and kind of getting myself together and. I think when I finally started working on other people, it was a combination of, I had gone to a retreat and did like a walkabout.


[00:09:08]And my walkabout buddy was like, how long have you been doing this work? And I was like 15 years at this point. Right. And she's like, think about all of the people that you would have helped if you weren't afraid to put yourself out there. And I was like, Ooh, yuck. That feels gross. Right?


[00:09:26] 15 years with the people. That's a lot of people, and then after that, like that started to shift my mindset around it. And then people started approaching me. Hey, I know that you do this. Can you come help me? And I stopped saying no, and that's, that's really what it was, and then from there I was working with another one of my teachers and she's like, you realize you have soul contracts with people and they can't fill their soul contracts with you until you get over yourself, right? And she was like, just face facts. You're psychic. You do this. You know how to do this. You are a healer. You need to do this work. So for me, I guess it was a lot of kicks in the butt. And then when we moved cross country, cause my husband's active duty and we were in Virginia, we're currently in California.


[00:10:14] And so when we PCs from Virginia to California, then I don’t know something shifted and I got here and I was like, okay, we're going to do this now. And so here we are.


[00:10:26] Laurin: I didn't realize it was that recent.


[00:10:28] Carly: Yeah,


[00:10:29] Yeah, but I had started taking clients in, I think 2018 was when I finally was like, okay, get over yourself. And then I went to Sedona that year, ended up Paul Selleck workshop and went to all the vortex sites. And that was a big shift.


[00:10:45] Right. And then in 2019, I had somebody who approached me. She's like, there's something in my house.


[00:10:51] There's something wrong with my house. I need you to come work on it. And I had already been working with her as a client. And so, I did. And she's like, have you, why have you not been doing this? And that kind of shifted me into accepting that it's okay to do this work because I'll be completely honest with you.


[00:11:06] I spent many years just thinking I was crazy,


[00:11:09] Laurin: Yeah.


[00:11:10] Carly: You know? Not trusting that intuition that was coming in, not trusting the, the messages that I was getting and just really just being afraid of it. So, kind of getting over that fear and getting over myself, right. Like my personality, body, my ego. Cause that's all it is.


[00:11:26] It's the ego saying? Who do you think you are? You don't know what he's doing. And I still don't, but, but we're doing it with much more grace, right?


[00:11:35] Laurin: Yeah, We're a work in progress too. Everybody is.


[00:11:38] Carly: Yeah, but I know it said that, you know, you can't heal something, you can't help somebody else heal something in themselves unless you heal it in yourself first. And I think that’s accurate, you know? And, and so I think it just took me a really long time to get to a space where I'm like, okay, I, I do feel better.


[00:11:56] I do feel like I've healed because, I've been, I've been trying to heal for years. It's been interesting. Yeah. It, it, it has been a lot more recent than anybody would have imagined.


[00:12:06] Laurin: Yeah. Yeah,


[00:12:07] Because I don't remember exactly how long we've known each other, but it's only been it was only a year or two before you moved that we first met.


[00:12:14] And interestingly, it's only been since you moved to California, that we've really gotten to know. each other,


[00:12:19] Carly: Right. Crazy. That works.


[00:12:21] Laurin: The wonders of technology. You have another business too.


[00:12:26] Carly: I do. Yeah.


[00:12:28] Laurin: I just want you to bring that in, because I think a lot of what you do is self-care. And I think that's an area of self-care that we don't really, or most of us are not very comfortable talking about. So, share that.


[00:12:43] Carly: Yeah. My other business, I do Pure Romance, which is a direct sales company and we focus on women's sexual health and wellness. And when I got started, I was so I've been doing that for seven years and it actually is part of the reason why I gained the confidence and had the time to move more into the healing work.


[00:13:03]Because at the time I was working full time and I'd been at my job for a long time and it was no longer serving and I knew that it wasn't serving. And I knew that I wanted to be my own boss. And I just had no idea what I wanted to do. And so I wound up stumbling onto Pure Romance. And the thing that I really liked about it is that it was about empowering, educating, and entertaining.


[00:13:22] Because we all want to feel like we're doing something to be of service. And, for me, it was a very practical reason to go into it because sex is everywhere. People are having it; they want to be having it. They're thinking about it. They don't know a lot about it. And, I'm married.


[00:13:34] So I was like, hey, I like sex too. So, let's do this. This will benefit me too. I started doing parties. That's what we do. We go into women's homes. All women. We only work with women which is, I think very important because, one in four women has been sexually assaulted and I'm one in four,


[00:13:50] And I think it's very important to create a safe space for us to talk about this. So, we talk about, female sexuality in relation to male sexuality and, understanding our bodies, understanding pleasure, understanding why our libidos wind up doing what they do and understanding how we get into these ruts and relationships and what to do about it.


[00:14:10] It's a really cool thing, and I, when I was growing up, nobody's ever like, guess what I'm going to do when I grow up. Cause this is not part of the plan, Hey, I'm going to be the dildo lady. And I really never call myself that I'm a sexual health educator. But I appreciate the feedback that I get from women, right?


[00:14:27] Because we really focus on taking care of yourself because female sexuality is very complicated. If you look at the drugs on the supermarket, they're like a thousand different PD pills and there's one kind of medication that's supposed to help with female sexuality. And it doesn't even really work because our sexuality is not just for physiology, right?


[00:14:50]For us, it is a mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical component. And there are a lot of moving parts that lead us to that healthy kind of sexuality. And so, I appreciate that I have the opportunity to help women understand, hey, I'm worthy of making time for myself. I deserve to be a priority in my life, even though I have kids and I have a spouse or a partner and I have a job and I have the house and I have extracurriculars and I have this, cause women, we do it all.


[00:15:21] We're like seriously magical.


[00:15:23] Laurin: Yeah, so true.


[00:15:26] Carly: Yeah, but we forget, we get caught up in this momentum of , the everyday kind of hamster wheel. And so, what I really try and help women see is that, hey, the first priority needs to be ourselves. Because, you can't fill from an empty cup, right? It's like when you fly and they're like, if we need to, the oxygen masks will come down and make sure you put yours on first.


[00:15:48] Well, there's a lot of women walking around, not putting their oxygen masks on. So, they're suffering. And so, we really are asking women to take a pause. Do some of those self-care things and not just taking a bubble bath and masturbating, which I definitely think are self-care, but also, having boundaries, saying no. Giving yourself some time and space, allowing yourself permission to just sit and do nothing for like 10 minutes or, hey, call me crazy, but have a daily meditation practice.


[00:16:18] So all of those things, and it's kind of cool because I'm able to bridge the healing work with the sexual health and wellness and kind of work those together, which is pretty cool.


[00:16:29] Laurin: Yeah.


[00:16:29] that's very cool.


[00:16:31] I love I I'm of a generation where we didn't really talk about it. My mom handed me Oh, gosh, what was the book? Our Bodies Ourselves.


[00:16:39] Carly: Ah, okay.


[00:16:39] Laurin: I was 13. I was going off to boarding school and she handed it to me. That was it. And I'm looking at it going, I don't know what this is.


[00:16:48] But it's so lovely. And I have a daughter who is very open about this conversation, which shocks me at times and I go, oh, that's wait, that's cool. So, the comfort level of talking about our sexuality, I think, is something unusual in our culture and so needed. And so I appreciate you sharing that with us because I think it's really important that we all get it. It's like a vocabulary that we don't have.


[00:17:16] Carly: Yeah. It's always, well, not anymore. It doesn't surprise me anymore, but, when I first started doing this, I was always amazed at how little women know about their anatomy. for example, we call it our vagina. Some people call it their huha or something else. It's so cringy to me and I'm like, please teach your children the proper words for their anatomy, because, God forbid something happened, but should something happen?


[00:17:37] You all need to be armed with the terminology to make sure you're having productive conversations, but that's a whole other conversation, but it always surprised me how little women actually know about their anatomy. For example, your vagina, just the whole, the whole business, the vulva and women are like, oh, I didn't know that.


[00:17:54] And I'm like, Yeah, it's your vulva. You need to know this because it's part of your body, and we need to be having the conversation. And we have a foundation, the Patty Brisbane Foundation, which focuses on research for women's sexual health. And I love their motto is sexual health is not a dirty word.


[00:18:14] Laurin: Yes.


[00:18:14] Carly: I'm like, I love this. I'm totally.


[00:18:17] Laurin: Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Well, my grandmother was a very proper Southern lady, so we didn't name any of it.


[00:18:25] Carly: We're talking about it ever.


[00:18:26] Laurin: Nope. Nope. That's talking about that here. You can read a book.


[00:18:30] No, that was, and that was a big step.


[00:18:32] Carly: Yeah.


[00:18:33] Laurin: I mean, that was the early seventies. So, it was the beginning of, well, not the beginning, but it was part of the sexual revolution when I was coming of age. So, I wasn't quite old enough to be part of the revolution, but I benefited from it, I should say.


[00:18:45] Carly: Right. I did too. Thanks. Y'all.


[00:18:47] Laurin: Yeah.


[00:18:47] Thanks. it is really lovely how those two things come together and it's part of why I wanted to bring it up is because to me, when I look at, what you do overall, you're a big advocate for self-care. And whether that's healing work or clearing a house or learning about your sexual health, you really are focused on helping women take care of themselves. And I think a lot of us are, these conversations are part of that for me, I want the wisdom you have and the wisdom I have to be spread as far as possible. and so, I really, I love how those two things have come together in your work and your purpose. I'm also getting really interested in uncovering purpose for people.


[00:19:29] So that's, it's sort of fun to look at the big picture and see what the thread is.


[00:19:34] Carly: I think I realized, for me, in my own exploration of figuring out my own, trauma and past and learning how to live life intentionally. I think that kind of led me into understanding that my purpose is to help other people do the same thing. And I do primarily work with women. But I have in my healing work and, and honestly with the sexual health, I do also work with men, but I primarily focus on women.


[00:19:58] But if they come to me, I don't turn them away. don't see them. I seek out women, you know.


[00:20:02] Laurin: Right, right, right.


[00:20:04] Carly: But I think it's realizing that my purpose is to help other people unfold in their purpose. I was like, kind of that purpose. Yeah, sure. Why not?


[00:20:14] Laurin: Yeah. I think a lot of us are in that vein of purpose, help people feel better, take care of themselves, find the joy in life, which for me is always about finding your purpose

[00:20:24] and in a passionate way to express it.


[00:20:28] Carly: I love that.


[00:20:29] Laurin: yeah. All right.


[00:20:30] I'm going to give you my rapid-fire questions now.


[00:20:34] Carly: Okay.


[00:20:37] Laurin: I do this with every, guests. So, you're not alone. And I just, I'm looking for like the first thing that comes into your mind when you hear the question. So don't try to dig just whatever comes first.


[00:20:46] So my first question is who is, or was the wisest person in your life?


[00:20:52] Carly: My teacher Diane.


[00:20:53] Laurin: Oh, I've heard you talk about Diane.


[00:20:55] Carly: I love Diane. So, I started doing healing work with Diane, I think back in 2007. And she's the one who urged me to start taking because she was teaching classes back then too. So, she's the one who started urging me to take the esoteric healing classes. And, I think the first one was like the Anna Corona bridge class.


[00:21:15] And I, it was so over my head and she's like, it doesn't matter, just sit in the class, just do the class. And I was like, all right. cause I'd been doing sessions with her for a couple of years at that point. And so then she got me into esoteric healing, which again, I was very reluctant and I did it anyway.


[00:21:31] And I was like, I don't think I'm doing this right. But every single time I see her and I do still work with him from time to time. It's a little more difficult being on the opposite coast, but, she always, I don't know, she always just channels like the perfect thing. And she, she has infinite wisdom.


[00:21:50] She would hate it, that she would hate that I said that, but part of what makes her so wise


[00:21:56] Laurin: Yeah. yeah.


[00:21:57] It's humble. You know,


[00:21:58] that humbleness is, is pretty good because it does allow for the flow of that divine wisdom to come through.


[00:22:05] So nice. Okay. So, what's your favorite? Okay. And this is right up your alley with what we've been talking about. What's your favorite self-care practice?


[00:22:14] Carly: Oh, it depends on the day. Why not the answer you were looking for,


[00:22:19] Laurin: No, I I've got, gotten that one several times.