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Transcript Interview Episode with Xandra Hawes


[00:00:00] Xandra: Trusting the part of us that's been through a lot and actually is gonna make it through in a way. So I think of soul essence as almost this deep wise part of ourselves that has lived a lot, that has been through a lot. And when we tap into that and we're more aware of it and it becomes our internal compass, we stop getting lost in the thought loops of like, is this true?

Is it not true?


[00:00:27] Laurin: Hello, friends and welcome to Curiously Wise. I'm Laurin Wittig. I'm your host. and I have Xandra Hawes with me today. Xandra is a licensed professional counselor and a psychic medium in Boulder, Colorado, a place I've always wanted to visit. Her professional work is centered on helping empaths and sensitive people heal themselves and connect with their soul essence in an embodied way. Outside of her work, you can find her communing with the plants in her garden, making herbal teas or adventuring in the mountains near her home with her family.


Welcome. Xandra.



[00:01:01] Xandra: Oh, thank you so much Laurin for having me.


[00:01:04] Laurin: I'm so glad to have you here. I'm just excited to talk to you. I have a ton of questions for you


[00:01:09] Xandra: Woo.


[00:01:10] Laurin: So we're gonna, we're gonna dive right in. You've got a psychology degree and you work with people spiritually. And I'm really curious how you bring those two together.

They seem like a good match to me, but I have no psychology background. So talk to us a little bit about that.


[00:01:27] Xandra: Well, it's interesting cuz psychology is such a young field, right? Even some of the roots of psychology can be really how do I say this? Conflictual or…


[00:01:36] Laurin: Yes,


[00:01:37] Xandra: Like where psychology sort of grew out of in a way. But what I love is that throughout the world, there are so many ways that the terms and the theories and the metaphors in psychology have been ancient knowledge for lifetimes and lifetimes.


And I think one of the easiest examples is as more and more people are looking in the psychology world, their families, right? Or a lot more people are using the word trauma, sometimes like little t trauma, right? Or big t trauma to kind of describe how our nervous system is kind of wired depending on our experiences.


And you have different shamonic or more earth based paganistic traditions around the world that have always had ways to describing trauma or they might say soul loss, right? Like in psychology people will say, oh I got really scared or upset and I dissociated. I kind of left my body.


Or I wasn't there. grounded. I have shamonic traditions that will talk about doing soul retrievals cuz a piece of the soul leaves in order to remain safe. So there's really amazing as we start studying and seeing the ways that we describe sort of the nervous system or some of the ways emotionally that we go through difficult things, there are completely parallel ways that different spiritual cultures again have known this.


Especially a lot of indigenous knowledge has known this for a long time. And I think as you heard or as you said in my bio, plants are such a big medicine for that too. And it feels like in the psychology realm, there's a lot more around not just the mind, the somatic, the energy body, the nutrition, right.


All kind of holistic sort of piece. So the intersection for me is not only the mental body, but definitely the physical body, the etheric body, the spiritual, all that kind of stuff. A lot more of a holistic place coming in. And even on a weekly basis, I'll have people reach out and say things like, yeah, you know, I'm having a spiritual awakening.


I can sense things. I can see things, but I have so much anxiety that I don't know how to trust it.


[00:03:37] Laurin: Right,


[00:03:38] Xandra: So there's a way to be like, how do we run your energy body in a way where you can have that spiritual information, but you trust yourself, right? And you're grounded sort of in it. So it's a really cool intersection about how to work.


[00:03:50] Laurin: Yeah. It's, it's fascinating. I, I kind of wish I had studied psychology in college. I have anthropology, so I had the cultural understanding. So that's cool. Psychology seems like such a good match for this kind of healing work that is holistic. I love how you put that too, because it is mind, body, spirit, energy, all of it is energy.


I mean, we are electrical beings. Yeah. If our heart doesn't have the right electrical charge, it stops. That's it. And that's one of the ways that I like to explain to people that everything is electricity, everything is energy and that's what's holding us together.


And if it's what's holding us together, then why aren't we paying more attention to that?


[00:04:30] Xandra: Right.


[00:04:31] Laurin: You know?


[00:04:31] Xandra: Right.


[00:04:31] Laurin: Yeah, so it’s fascinating to me how we're bringing in sort of the Western world education and reconnecting it back to this ancient wisdom, and combining the two, cuz they're very complimentary. That's fascinating.


One of the things that you mentioned in your bio is soul essence. So what do you mean by that? How can you describe that for us?


[00:04:55] Xandra: Oh, man. I love the term soul essence, because, and again, I'm a weaver. I weave so many different traditions together and I'm so nerdy. I'm always studying, like trying to eat up like, oh, here's an overlap here. Here's an overlap. So you hear me kind of pull almost like I'm fishing. Like…


[00:05:13] Laurin: I call it being a jazz musician. I mean, that’s how I describe mine.


[00:05:15] Xandra: Ooh, I love that.


[00:05:17] Laurin: It's kind of like being a jazz musician. You you've got all these things that you've learned and you just pull on which one works best in this moment.


[00:05:24] Xandra: Oh my God. It's such a good visual. I love that. Definitely classier than fishing. I mean


[00:05:29] Laurin: I Don't like fishing. So…


[00:05:32] Xandra: Oh man.


[00:05:33] Laurin: Anyway.


[00:05:34] Xandra: In terms of the soul essence piece, I sort of think of soul essence, and this is coming from my more so I studied Buddhist psychology, so there's a lot, the roots that I have are very based off of Buddhism. And so Buddhism, most Buddhist traditions and Hindu and things like that talk about.


Even Einstein knew this are energies never created just or destroyed. So where did it go? Right. And so Buddhism takes the perspective and a lot of other religions or philosophies take the perspective that we have multiple lives in a way. And so what is that energy that is that inner light, that lighthouse, right?


Like inside that core, we may call it Chi, we might call it consciousness. There's this higher self-wise soul part that is aware and it's lit up and it's kind, and it comes through our emotions. It comes through our right temporal lobe is typically where it lives as they're studying consciousness and it's up from, but it's this brilliant energy of knowing this.


And it has such deep wisdom and nourishment, and most people can tap into it when they let themselves feel joy. There's this sense, I have a lot going on, but I trust it and I'm okay. And I don't have to make a big of deal out of something or, you know, this is hard, but I'll be okay. There's this acknowledgement of our rooted sense of trusting the part of us that's been through a lot and actually is gonna make it through in a way.


So I think of soul essence as almost this deep wise part of ourselves that has lived a lot, that has been through a lot. And when we tap into that and we're more aware of it and it becomes our internal compass, we stop getting lost in the thought loops of like, is this true?

Is it not true? Should starts getting out of our own?


[00:07:11] Laurin: Oh, yeah.


[00:07:13] Xandra: Should I do this? You know, should…


[00:07:14] Laurin: Yeah. I hate that word.


[00:07:15] Xandra: Yeah. Right. There's this sense of like lack of worthiness, that lack of trust. And in Buddhism. I think the correlation to soul essence would be called basic goodness or brilliance sanity. This brilliance inside of us that regardless of the vessel that we choose, it's very sacred once it's left.

Right. And we when we out of it, it's the part of us that continues to live on.


[00:07:36] Laurin: Yeah, in meditation once, several number of years ago now, I tapped into what you're describing and I didn't know what to call it cuz it was not something that I had consciously tapped into before. And I got this download of great wisdom and I started referring to her as just wise Laurin, because I didn't know what to call it, but it's the wise part of me.


And now of course I tap into that a lot, especially when I'm working with clients or I'm working through something in my own life. But I hadn't connected it until just now that what I call wise Laurin is the same thing as soul essence. It's the same thing as higher being, higher self, whatever.

I just happen to call it wise Laurin cuz she's so freaking wise you know.


[00:08:21] Xandra: I love that your podcast is called Curiously Wise, right?


[00:08:23] Laurin: Yes. Yeah. Well, you know, getting curious creates wisdom. That's sort of where that comes together. So I get wiser and wiser every one of these episodes that I do. It's great. So how can you help people tap into that soul essence?


[00:08:39] Xandra: Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think something really amazing that you just said, right. Is there are so many different words for it, and there are pretty different maps, right? Whether it's I mean, energy healing is a tree in itself and all of these different branches, different traditions, different cultural influences.


And so there sometimes I feel like the left brain, or even like the capitalistic structure and the United States is like, this is the way to do it. Right. If you do this, you get this. And so there's this push around people like, oh, I have to find the perfect thing, but it doesn't really happen like that. It happens in years of all of our different experiences.


I feel like we were younger, it's grass beer, and then you get older and you're like, yeah, just another grain of rice in the rice jar. Like…


[00:09:20] Laurin: Yeah, we'll learn from that and move on.


[00:09:23] Xandra: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I, the way that I teach is I think probably going to bring someone to their soul essence in the same way someone else might be creating a map that gets there. But depending, I always think depending on our past lives, depending on our lives now and how we've learned how to take an information, how we process information. Different maps are all gonna lead us to wise Laurin.


Wise Xandra, highest self, soul essence. And so the way that I do it, and the way that I've learned best is informed by psychology, energy healing, and spirituality. And so the way that I do it, I have a few different layers of like what I teach, but I'm a really big believer that we start in the roots.


And so there's a lot of folks. I tend to specialize in working with people that are very sensitive and empathic. And it's a lot about I'm a really high spiritual energy. A lot of people come to me and they're like, I've had gifts my whole life, but I can't figure out how to get in my body. I can't figure out how to get in my roots so I can trust that information.


Or there's a lot of folks that are like, I take on energy and I don't know how to let it go. Right. I can't be in big crowds or I don't have good boundaries because I'm scared that if I put boundaries down, someone else will hurt and then I'll feel it. And then I'll feel worse. It's a lot of things that I hear.


And so I have a particular map called root medicine where we go through and we learn very specific energy tools to really learn how to run the energy and the body differently so that you actually learn how to release energy. A lot of people will say like, I know I should let this go, but I don't know how. And I'm like, this is how, this is how to actually energetically watch the thought leave your body with permission and curiosity and with a level of amusement, right.


Because if we could be like, oh, here's this thing I get stuck on. Right. Versus, oh, I'm bad. Here I am again. As you know, curiosity allows that to move faster.


[00:11:13] Laurin: Right, right. Yeah.


[00:11:15] Xandra: I always start in the body and there's a, I have a one-to-one program where I work with folks, but so many people have reached out that I actually have a whole online kind of hybrid community program.


That's a lot more affordable where people are doing the modules online but we have community meetings every week. And I work kind of in a group with folks to sort of more workable. But I would say the program, the meeting people love the most is the fourth meeting. And we actually help that person tune in and find their one of their spirit guides that actually, and then helps them do energy healing work.


That's kind of the beginning of how I help. And then as that person's running their energy more and more, and kind of opening that psychic wifi station, then we going on field trips and things like that.


[00:11:58] Laurin: Yeah, interesting. Most of my clientele is women who are on the verge of menopause or are going through and have passed it. And we as a generation seem to carry a lot of trauma with us. And we hold onto it really tight. And when you get into this part of your life, fifties and sixties and seventies, your body it really starts to show up in your body a lot.


[00:12:25] Xandra: Yep.


[00:12:26] Laurin: Because your body will hold onto it. And if you're not paying attention, it gets louder and louder and you end up with an injury or some pain or something worse. And so I find that I always have to start with new clients in the body.


[00:12:40] Xandra: Yep.


[00:12:41] Laurin: Always, always, always they're ungrounded. They don't know how to root themselves to the ground.


They just don't know how to do that. And so that's, it's interesting to me, cuz that's always where I have to start with a new client is I start teaching them how to actually century roots down essentially is how I describe it into the earth and to let mother earth nurture us.



We're a generation that weren't taught to nurture ourselves, That that was selfish. So, it's interesting that you're getting the people that are coming on board now. I get more people that have actually been aware of this kind of stuff for quite a long time generally, but have never done anything with it. Have never gotten any help around it.


And so it's, everything's just expressing physically and we can clear so much shit so fast once we get them grounded and understanding how that energy works. It's really fascinating work but…


[00:13:32] Xandra: Wow.


[00:13:33] Laurin: I love how we each have every healer I know seems to have their own little niche of people that find them.


[00:13:39] Xandra: Mm-hmm


[00:13:40] Laurin: I think a lot of it has to do with what our experience is and how we came to be where we are. Cause those are the things I can help people with the best.


[00:13:47] Xandra: Yeah. Right. You're like, I've been through it. I know it. Right. So you can see people more deeply on that level.


[00:13:53] Laurin: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You can meet them in a way that isn't possible if you haven't gone through like the loss of a parent or dealing with that kind of thing. So…


[00:14:01] Xandra: Yeah. Yeah. I definitely, my mother is really, really psychic, but like practical psychic.


[00:14:08] Laurin: Well, that's useful.


[00:14:11] Xandra: Sort of psychic. And when I was teaching this program, I was like, mom, do you wanna learn the tools? And she was like, I guess. And we were talking about energy work and she was like, honey, I love this work, but she was like, when I was survived to be a woman back then I had to really take on a lot more masculine identity than I felt comfortable being in kind of grit and not really take care of myself.


She's like, that's kind of how we were programmed in a way, cuz we were even we were at an energy conference and she had a stomach ache and I was like, mom, you know, if you put your hand on your stomach and that was brand new to her of like my body's in pain. I can energetically put my hand on my stomach and like actually do energy work.


She had no idea how to actually, she was like, really how, how do you do that? And I was like, oh yeah, like…


[00:14:55] Laurin: Yeah,


[00:14:55] Xandra: There is this nourishment sort of piece.


[00:14:57] Laurin: Right, right.


[00:14:58] Xandra: Its like a lot of the folks that are in younger generations, they've looked at stuff up on YouTube. Right. Or like found a sort of thing, the resources weren't there.


[00:15:06] Laurin: Right. Yeah, we had no internet, you know.


[00:15:10] Xandra: Totally


[00:15:11] Laurin: It came in just before my kids were born, basically. So you had printed encyclopedias and whatever people were in your area. And did you dare ask them about something that was weird that you had no idea what it was? And then we were taught to be real stoic as women. Just suck it up and get on with it kind of thing.


So, yeah, so it's interesting to me. I love that the younger people are coming in and wakening up faster than my generation did. And I love that they have the opportunity to not carry all of this traumatic crap with them through the rest of their lives. They can do more good because they'll be less hurting.


[00:15:51] Xandra: Yeah, it's interesting diagnostically as well. Like from the clinical sort of standpoint, how many kids are coming in identifying as on the spectrum, ADHD, neuro divergent, like there's all these sort of spectrum, sort of energies that have to do with learning differently or processing energy differently sort of in a way here too.


But they're all so sensitive and they're all like, how do I run my energy? And they're all very psychic, but they've never felt empowered sort of in that in a way it's there's a sense of difference. So I'm also curious as more and more generations come in. I don't know necessarily; I can't say what's impacting those clinical diagnosis.


Whether sort of parenting or generational or nutrition or things like that. But the younger generation is saying, I know what energy is and I don't know how to run mine and they can directly say that versus having to push it down and just pretend it's not there and hurt for decades. Like, or not having resources.


[00:16:48] Laurin: Yeah. right. Just hide it so that you can pass for normal you know?


[00:16:53] Xandra: Yeah, yeah,


[00:16:55] Laurin: Yeah. Diversity is good. I'm fascinated as I get really curious about who your clients are versus who my clients are, just because I see so many connections and that even though I know the younger generation doesn't feel like it's better.


I know from my place of wisdom, having lived six decades that because they're coming into these gifts so early, and because there is this support system, like you and me in so many others, they're gonna get moved through that difficult time so much faster and with greater ease and better understanding of who they are and why they're here and what they can do for the world.


And God, that's what we need.


[00:17:36] Xandra: Yeah. I've heard a lot of astrology people. I don't, my partner's an astrologist and I'm like, wow, that looks neat. But I have no idea what he’s doing.


[00:17:41] Laurin: Yeah. I, I, I have friends who knows, so that's good.


[00:17:45] Xandra: They talk about, they're like, oh, these aquariums are gonna come in, next year and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, yay! We'll see what we'll see what happens.


[00:17:54] Laurin: Yep. let's talk a little bit about those folks that are coming online right now. And how do they…So many of them don't know what's happening. I mean, you're right that a lot of them are going to YouTube, but I'm seeing my friends' grandchildren, particularly the granddaughters who are five seven, who have crazy gifts.


[00:18:16] Xandra: Yeah.


[00:18:17] Laurin: And the parents don't really know what to do with them.


[00:18:19] Xandra: Yeah.


[00:18:20] Laurin: The grandmothers do, which is good. That's where my generation is coming into play. So as those kids move into their teen years and their young adulthood, hopefully they're gonna get this but maybe some of those are coming in now they don't think about going to YouTube cuz they don't have the words to describe what they're experiencing.


[00:18:39] Xandra: Yeah.


[00:18:40] Laurin: So how can they figure it out? Maybe they'll listen to this or maybe their mother will listen to this. Who knows? What's a good first step for somebody who is coming into their gifts and like you said, they don't know what to do with the energy.


They're feeling it. Maybe they don't. I know empaths often cuz I have been one my whole life and didn't know it until, you know, 45 but you're taking on so much of what's going on around you.


[00:19:05] Xandra: Mm-hmm


[00:19:06] Laurin: Nobody taught me about shielding. Nobody taught me about letting go of energy. Nobody taught me how to clean that crap out of me.


[00:19:12] Xandra: Mm-hmm


[00:19:13] Laurin: So I carried it for a long time and suffered a lot for it physically. But I learned so much. It's all in hindsight. It's all been a gift. I've learned so much and I'm who I am, where I am today because of it. So, I'm grateful for it so much at the time it has been very useful. So, for people who perhaps are like some of the millennials, I know cuz I have to, they came in sort of before my generation got real clear on this and they're the ones that I see having a real problem with depression, anxiety.


I know that my daughter knows she has gifts, but there's a resistance there because they didn't grow up with this.


[00:19:50] Xandra: Yeah.


[00:19:51] Laurin: What's a good place for them to go, or what's a good step for them to take to find somebody? I mean, clearly if they're hearing this, they've found a route in, but I don't know.


[00:20:03] Xandra: It's interesting because one of the… so I guess going back a little bit, one of the reasons that I love this work and why I tend to, I went into psychology first and worked with teenagers mostly and young adults and things like that. Now it's quite a little bit of a bigger range there, but is because as a teenager, I had an experience where there were ghosts always in my house, TV, doors would slam like, just.


That kind of stuff, paranormal, it would happen in the house. But I actually had an experience where I lost control of my body and like a spirit invaded my space. So similar how you talk about like, ooh really hard experiences, but really catapulted you into work. Right? Or like feeling self. That was my experience at just like 15, 16, something like that.


And so my mom took me to a psychotherapist and she took me to a psychic medium, and guess where, what direction we went. right. We went to the…


[00:20:57] Laurin: Practical psychic.


[00:20:59] Xandra: We went to the psychic medium. And so she started taking me to these things, but the tricky part is, especially for kids that are teenagers around that time period, even young adults, there's so much emphasis on individuating from the family system. And there's so much emphasis on wanting to belong.


And so it is tricky as a teenager when you have sort of these gifts, because it's so easy to feel isolated by them because no one's talking about them. So you're like, here's this thing that I have. That's a weakness that I have to hide because it doesn't allow me to feel like I belong. And they're old enough where they're not looking to parents.


Like if you start modeling that behavior, when they're 16 or 17, it's almost too late. In way, they love you, but you're not necessarily their number one mentor right anymore. So a lot of parents are picking up and doing the work and changing their energy. And of course that impacts the household, but the teenagers looking beyond you at that point.


The earlier that the parents go, oh, I have to ground myself. Oh, I have to run my energy because kids, right. They match that parental energy of safety. They match that energy. So when I do like psychic conferences, I'll have the five or six. I've done readings for 5, 6, 7 year olds. It's cute. Well, do their past lives.


I'll be like, yeah. Tell me about that. Like it's parents are like, yeah, they're pushing us to learn. And so there is something contractually around a parent. When you bring a kiddo in, you are contracting to learn from them. They're gonna push in so many ways.


[00:22:28] Laurin: Yes.


[00:22:29] Xandra: The more parents can go, oh, I have a really sensitive kid.

They pick up on a lot of energy. I'm also probably sensitive. Parents start realizing that they're sensitive, but they pushed it down. There's a genetic piece to that a little bit too. So the more that parents are able to start learning how to run their energy, the more they create space for that kid to have permission to let energy go start creating that kind of psychic connection with the kid of like my nervous systems grounded.


Here's how you can ground yours in a way. But once they get into teenager mode, it's unfortunately in some way, it's their journey to decide. Do I want to put this on a shelf for several years? Right? Because belonging is more important to me right now. Or am I okay with allowing these gifts to unfold because the timing is really important there for kids.


You can't push people. I've seen so many parents be like, fix my kid and they put them in psychotherapy and I'll be like, do you really wanna be here? And they're like, no, my mom can't handle me. And so that's why I'm here. So pushing kids to be someplace that they're not is tricky. And sometimes kids aren't willing to say yes to those things until they're more so in their mid twenties, even thirties where they're like, Ooh, I had this and it wasn't safe enough because of my environment to open it up.


And now I feel resourced enough to do it truly.


[00:23:52] Laurin: Mm-hmm yeah. That makes a lot of sense. I think that's very good advice. I know that I've learned a ton from my kids.


[00:24:02] Xandra: Hmm.


[00:24:03] Laurin: A ton from my kids. I think every parent does. It's part of the process because they don't come with a guidebook, so you gotta figure it out. You know? And just the parallel for me was that I didn't know that I had asthma until my 18 month old was diagnosed with asthma,


[00:24:19] Xandra: Wow.


[00:24:20] Laurin: And I had just thought I was weak or I didn't exercise enough.

And so I'd get short of breath. It was, a miraculous discovery. And I discovered it because of my son's health issues and I was determined to get him help. I wasn't gonna sit there and go, oh, maybe he's just he's 18 months old, but it's hard. Doesn't work as good as it should or something.


No, when your baby can't breathe, you see somebody, you do something about it. And actually he's the one that led me into alternative health because I ended up taking him to a Chinese doctor who did acupuncture nerves and turned things around so dramatically.


[00:24:55] Xandra: Oh.


[00:24:57] Laurin: My little 18 month old who couldn't breathe set me on this path.


[00:25:01] Xandra: Oh, you're talking about big stuff around how our kids are mirrors right.


[00:25:05] Laurin: Yes.


[00:25:06] Xandra: And also these huge catalysts, cuz you're saying part of the jump into alternative medicine are holistic, right? Or that stuff was, oh, I need to find help. Same with my mother, right? I need to bring her to a psychic


[00:25:17] Laurin: Yeah. Yeah.


[00:25:19] Xandra: Right. And all of a sudden, we kind of go into it.


[00:25:21] Laurin: Right. I, they wanted to put my 18 month old on this really powerful drug that side effects were learning disabilities and all this other stuff. And I was like, no, that's enough. There's gotta be another way. The universe just magically as it does, brought me Dr. Woo.


[00:25:39] Xandra: Oh


[00:25:40] Laurin: And he was very well trained. He was a consultant at the NIH. I mean, so like I could not have asked for a more appropriate person. And he helped my son and then he helped me too. So, I mean, it was, I love to look back at the synchronicities of how things worked to take care of what needed to be taken care of, but also to lead me or lead us to our places that we're in at the moment. And I'm always looking for, okay, what's the next one? You know?


[00:26:07] Xandra: Aw,


[00:26:07] Laurin: So yeah, it is interesting. And you had, we're lucky to have a mom who is like, okay, psychotherapy and psych, you know? It's like, let's see which one she needs and they'll look what you're doing.


[00:26:18] Xandra: I know she would joke.


[00:26:20] Laurin: You do mediumship, right.


[00:26:22] Xandra: I do. Yeah, that is yeah. Biggest. That's…


[00:26:27] Laurin: Well, explain what mediumship is. I know but…


[00:26:30] Xandra: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like the three big terms people hear are intuition, psychic, and mediumship. Those are kind of the three sort of umbrella ones and how I understand the difference in myself and how I teach it is that intuition usually is in the body, right. The gut feeling that sort of knowing, but it's very, very eye based typically.


It's like, oh, I got an intuitive hit about what I should do. Or this situation versus psychic is a little bit more like a wifi station on the top of your head where you're like, ooh, let me look at this. Sort of let me look at that. But it's right. It's a little bit more out of the body sort of in a way.


Definitely. Again, I, I always say wifi station.


[00:27:09] Laurin: I like that. I like that. Somebody told me that I always look up to the right when I'm listening for that external information.


[00:27:15] Xandra: Yeah. And where you look, eye pattern wise also shows where the part of your brain lights up as well. So eye pattern and things. So it'd be interesting where you look like what part is lighting up in terms of…


[00:27:26] Laurin: I'm gonna have to look that up.


[00:27:27] Xandra: Yeah, and then I think of mediumship for me. It's interesting. It's the one thing I do really well, but I don't teach it because I haven't developed a map for how yet. I'll throw that out there to my guides since maybe they'll challenge me with it. Haven't developed an easy map yet for people to access it.


It it's through my wifi station, but it's just something beings have appeared to me my whole life. I would see people standing in corners. I have a lot of the clairaudience kind of stuff where I can hear people pretty well. And so mediumship has always been almost like a walkie talkie kind of a thing sort of for me.


And my definition of mediumship in a way is being able to communicate with things in different dimensional spheres. Right? So the fact matter of like there are different animals that have different abilities to tune into certain energy fields. Whether it's, I think, I can't remember if deer are a lot of this, but like butterflies and bees, right?


They see ultraviolet light. They can see different lighter energies that we can't. Time runs differently for different beings because of how they process sort of energy. And so for me, it's almost like taking a walkie talkie and being able to click into these different sort of dimensional spaces where energy's running differently and being able to oftentimes communicate with other spirits.


A lot of times I communicate with me in the future and me in the past to do a lot of healing where me in the future.


[00:28:53] Laurin: Oh wow! That’s cool.


[00:28:53] Xandra: Yeah. Well, I wonder if you have this perspective too, cuz me in the future is my spirit guide now. And me now is my spirit guide for me in the past. So I am constantly when something happens in the present and I'm like, oh man, I wanted this.


Or like, ooh, this would be a really beautiful thing. I pause and I take a mental picture of the feeling and I send it backwards almost like a text or almost like a letter to my previous surpassed self and say almost like a breadcrumb and say like, hey, it's gonna be okay. And it's interesting as I've started doing that, I remember memories where I'd be really sad and then I would feel this golden kind of hug energy.


And it used to piss me off as a teenager because it. I was like, I'm sad. Why do I just cry? And now, like, I know everything's gonna be OK. Like it was, I used to get mad. Cause I was like, I, I want to be in my depression but I could never sit there long enough cuz there was always this magical, old trusting feeling that everything would be okay.


And then I started doing this for a few years and then I was like, oh my God, that was me from the future being like…Hey!


[00:29:54] Laurin: I never thought of that.


[00:29:55] Xandra: This is gonna be okay.


[00:29:57] Laurin: Oh, I gotta start doing that.


[00:30:00] Xandra: It's sweet. Right? Like you were like, now can really guide us then on like a quantum level. Yeah.


[00:30:06] Laurin: Well and yeah, and I mean, when you start talking quantum, you can shift timelines and you can shift experiences and that right there heals. Because if you can nip that trauma in the bud or you can send back, it is gonna be okay, you don't need to freak out. You're gonna be fine. That would, yeah, that would have served me well, I probably did at times I don't really, you know, I don't remember, but yeah, no, I love that. It's something I'm gonna bring into my practice. I love that idea. It's such a sweet thing to do.


[00:30:38] Xandra: Well, it sounds like you're doing that now too around like the wise Laurin Ray. You're like, I click into her sometimes or I bring her in with practice and stuff, and sometimes we don't know the future, but to just connect with our future selves and say, hey, I really need a hug right now. I don't need to know how it turns out, but just remind me to trust.


Just remind me, it's gonna be okay to really just get that soul hello. I call it in a way from our future selves. It's magic.


[00:31:02] Laurin: That's crazy good. all right. Good. I'm learning stuff. this is where curiosity is. Good. I hadn't really intended to talk about your mediumship, but it's like, that's just really, of course that I get guided on that stuff too, so, oh my goodness. Well, this has been really, really fun to talk with you.

I have learned a lot, which is awesome. I appreciate that. This is why I do this, cuz I've a lifelong learner, but I like learning from other people rather than books. So…


[00:31:37] Xandra: Yeah. Part of your jazziness.


[00:31:39] Laurin: Yeah, probably just pull it. Yeah, I know. I can't remember when I came up with that metaphor, but it just works perfectly for me cuz it's like, oh, today I'm gonna do a little Reiki and we're gonna do a little past life work and we're gonna, oh look, somebody came and they wanna talk to you.


You know? It's like.


[00:31:54] Xandra: I love it.


[00:31:55] Laurin: Whatever shows up. So we're gonna turn to the rapid fire questions


[00:32:00] Xandra: Yeah. Yeah. Right.


[00:32:01] Laurin: Just for fun. Whatever comes first is fine. It's good. Who is, or was the wisest person in your life?


[00:32:10] Xandra: You know, it's, there are two beings that I work with. They both have a body. They're still alive in this life, but there are two different teachers that I love and I work with them kind of on like a telepathic basis, sort of like in a way they'll, I'll be like working on something and I'll be like, huh, what do you think of this?


Or what do you think of that? But one of them is named Mary Bell and she ran the psychic horizon center in Boulder, Colorado for 30 or 40 years. She retired last year and just really, really amazing. She really brought in the, like before working with her, I didn't really understand how impactful amusement is.


Like when someone would say bemused to me that meant bypassing. It meant like not taking something seriously, right. Or not being grounded or earthy enough. And she would say like, go make some trouble, play, be amused. Right? Like there was just this level of lightness where she would say, rather than being hard on yourself, can you be amused and playful around like, oh, there I do that again.


Oh, I need to take that on. And so she really brought that word alive for me. And it's been such medicine. It's been such medicine when something gets kicked up that's old in my system. How can I be amused and sweet and like with grace. Right. And bring that in. So that's been, she's been a really wise teacher to me and another person who's been teaching also for 30 or 40 years as well.


His name is Michael Tamora and he is also a psychic medium teacher. And I work a lot, again, one on one with him, sort of in my head space. And every time I talk with him, he's laughing. Like he laughs before he responds in a way. And I tend to be a verbal processor. I have so many words up there that come shooting out and he he'll gimme like a four or five word answer and it's perfect.


[00:33:59] Laurin: Mm-hmm


[00:34:00] Xandra: Things in a way. And so both of them are really kind spiritual teachers that I've worked with in person, but also we just have a deeper connection in a way Michael Tamora talks about when we sleep, a lot of us go and we learn different spiritual classes on the actual plane and stuff. And I'm definitely in both of their classes. on hospital plane. Yeah, yeah,


[00:34:20] Laurin: Yeah. Nice. It's lovely that they're still here with you too.


[00:34:24] Xandra: I know.


[00:34:26] Laurin: Like get communication from the ones that have passed over, but it's nice to have them in your life actually in your life for a while. So yeah. So what's your favorite self-care practice?


[00:34:37] Xandra: Ooh, so as dorky as this sounds, I think it's like ridiculously simple, but when you were talking about how, like a lot of women in the older generations don't have a lot of self-care, like when someone says, oh, I'm gonna go take care of myself. A lot of people have the idea of what that is, but they don't know what it really means.


And I tend to, my background is being from Minnesota, a lot of like Nordic Germanic, like grit mentality like resting is like still doing chores. Basically. Like the idea of rest is just like not working in that way. So for me, I am like an over activator. I have a lot of quick start energy.


So anything self-care related is literally moving at a turtle pace. It is where I grab a bunch of blankets and I literally make like a nest on the floor and I call it starfish time where I like starfish on the ground and I breathe and I just let my nervous system pause. And that's actually, it's pretty difficult for me, but it's absolutely nourishing because I get so much joy out of creation.


I have a lot of Sagittarius, kinda a lot of fire energy. So to ground and earth and self-care and actually feel into what rest actually means when you let tension out of the body, when you go, oh, can I let my jaw do that? Like, it's, it's pretty tricky for me as an over activator to do that work. So that's the most nourishing, it's tricky, but it's incredibly beneficial for me.


[00:36:05] Laurin: I love that. I am married to a man with a German background and a new England, you know, gritty background, which is great. I've learned a lot from him, but he never stops, you know.


[00:36:18] Xandra: Yeah.


[00:36:18] Laurin: And I'm one of those that goes, okay, I need to sit still for a while. You know? So it's, it's an interesting dynamic that comes up in our household, but it's yeah.

It's so I understand how hard it can be to stop if that's not in your DNA,


[00:36:33] Xandra: mm-hmm


[00:36:33] Laurin: You know, that's not what happens. I've watched him, try to learn to rest cuz he's running and doing all kinds of other things. Now that really tire his body out and his mind is going, I should be doing this and I should be doing that. And learning just to kind of.


[00:36:46] Xandra: Mm-hmm


[00:36:47] Laurin: Take at least a few minutes to recover. you know, so, yeah. Interesting. Okay. I love the starfish cuz it's like lying on the floor of the, of the ocean. Just…


[00:36:57] Xandra: Yeah,


[00:36:58] Laurin: Totally get that. Well, and if you're fire too, water is a, great juxtaposition for that energy. So nice balance there. What lights you up when you're feeling down,


[00:37:09] Xandra: One of my favorite simple, again, this may be sounding kind of ridiculous, but whenever I'm down and I get really into like my muggle, like human, like everything's bad, right? Like, and I see myself, I'll be driving and I'll be like that person just didn't use their blinker.


Right? Like, like grumpy, like, you know, or whatever it is. Like, there's an energy, right. I'm running kind of like a dark, dark blue or something. That's just kindy sort of in a way, I've told my guides, if you could please send me like a psychic text message that says you're a soul. Just, just remember your soul.


Like, there's a, there's a really cool reminder of like, oh yeah, like I'm a soul, like I'm learning. Like it's okay. Like my body is the sacred thing. My emotions are sacred things, but I'm not those things at the same time. Like there's a lot of pieces here. So when I remember that I'm a soul, when I'm down, I'm like, oh, you're a soul.


It's okay. You have permission. Right. You're listening. Like it's gonna get better for some reason, reminding myself of that soul essence or that sort of light of like, hey, like you've gone through a lot of things. And I, think a lot of people have that as they get older, there can be softening around, like when you've gone through so many things, there's a little bit more trust that develops over and over about being able to handle things.


[00:38:29] Laurin: Yeah, there's definitely a wisdom that comes with that much experience and the distance from it to see it in a different light than when you're in the midst of it.


[00:38:38] Xandra: Totally. Totally.


[00:38:39] Laurin: I can speak to that personally. Alright. And the last one, your favorite mantra or affirmation?


[00:38:45] Xandra: For the longest time, for several, several years, especially building businesses, like over and over, there is so much on the marketing automation, like always feeling behind with technology and all of that kind of stuff that I would be like, guides, what do I need to do?


Or there's this, like, how do I keep pushing forward with this behind feeling? And one of the things they would say over and over is like, you just have to hold your frequency. You just have to hold your frequency. And it took a while and they'd always show me a picture of a lighthouse. And it took me a while to understand that by knowing who I am like by staying connected to me, it runs a really high frequency and it allows people, the things I'm working with to also run at that frequency.


And it's a whole other way of seeing and operating a business instead of this graspy anxious like poverty mentality. It's like, oh, I have everything that I need. And I just have to be able to hold that truth and frequency and everything softens, everything becomes easier.


I don't worry about certain things. And so I use it in every sphere of my life, not just the business world, but definitely like, you just have to hold your frequency. You just have to do that energy work in yourselves and it gives permission. It brings a healing frequency to everything that you do.


[00:40:06] Laurin: Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. Oh, I love that. Yeah. I tell some of my clients, all you have to do is be the light, which is the same thing. Yep. Just hold the frequency. Just be the light. You don't have to do another thing, you know? So yeah. I love that. That's great. Okay. Can you tell the listeners where to find you online?


[00:40:27] Xandra: Yeah, absolutely. So as of today, I think in like a few hours, my whole website is gonna be redone, which I'm so excited about. Oh my God. It's got like moving glitter in the background.


[00:40:37] Laurin: Ooh, I'm have to go look.


[00:40:39] Xandra: Woo. But I'm on all of the, social media pieces, but my website is soulessencewellnesscenter.com and then on Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest, it's soul essence.

And then I also have a podcast where I geek out on psychology topics and kind of weave in like, how do you work with doubt from the psychology perspective versus energy perspective or that kind of stuff. So that's also, it's all the same name. Soul Essence Center, Soul Essence Wellness Center.


[00:41:08] Laurin: Good. All right. Good. And we will have all of those links in the show notes. So if you wanna go find her and you don't remember what the name of is, just go look at the show notes and you can click right through. Make it easy. All right. Well, I just wanna say this has been a lot of fun and very illuminating to talk to you today.


I just love your energy. It's just so fun to play in it with you. So I hope that everybody gets some of the same wisdom or some of their own wisdom from this. And maybe we'll have to have you back.


[00:41:39] Xandra: I


[00:41:40] Laurin: With me some more.


[00:41:41] Xandra: I was gonna say, I will always be in your jazz ensemble,


[00:41:43] Laurin: All right. all right. So I wanna thank the listeners for being here today too.

And I hope that you'll come back next week. Every Tuesday, we release a brand-new episode. Sometimes we have fabulous, beautiful, marvelous guests. And sometimes it's just me and you can pick and choose, but it's always something that's gotten my curiosity inspired. I hope to see you next time. Xandra thank you for being here.


[00:42:10] Xandra: Thank you, Laurin, take care.



[00:42:13] Laurin: Thank you so much for joining us today on Curiously Wise. If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to subscribe so you don't miss future fabulous conversations. And if you had any ahas, please share them in a review on apple podcasts so we can continue to pay forward the unique wisdom we all have. If you want to know more about me or my intuitive energy healing practice Heartlight wellness, please head over to my website www.heartlightjoy.com.


Curiously Wise is a team effort. I am grateful for the skill and enthusiasm. Arlene Membrot, our producer, and Sam Wittig, our audio engineer, bring to this collaboration. Our music is Where the Light Is by Lemon Music Studio.


I'm Laurin Wittig. Please join me again next week for another episode of Curiously Wise. From my heart to yours, may your life be filled with love, light, joy, and of course, curiosity.


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